"Not at all, General. Confounded butterfly flew in at the window, and was flopping around all night--couldn't get a wink of sleep." "Ah, dashed dangerous things, butterflies!"] * * * * * [Illustration: "PRIVATES, BUT NOT FULL" (1875) _First Driver (after a long day)._ "The 'orse 'rtillery's a-getting quite aristercratic. It don't dine till eight o'clock!!" _Second Driver._ "Stroikes me to-morrow the 'orse 'rtillery'll be too aristercratic to dine at all!!"] * * * * * [Illustration: THE ENEMY. _Horrid Boy to newly-appointed Volunteer Major, (who finds the military seat very awkward_). "Sit further back, General! You'll make his 'ead ache!"] * * * * * [Illustration: AUTUMN MANOEUVRES. No, this is not heroism; this is simply discretion. Little Plumpleigh has just given "Charge!" and taken one look behind to see if his men are "backing him up, don't you know," and he is now making for safety!] * * * * * [Illustration: _War-office Genius._ "Now _this_ is another of my brilliant ideas, the shelter trench exercise. Of course, I _know_ the trench is the wrong way about, and that, when they have finished it, they have to fire into the wood they are defending, and then turn about and charge away from the wood, but, THEN! _we_ get a capital bank and ditch made round our plantations, with practically _no_ expense!" _Mr. Punch._ "And this is what you call instructing the Volunteers?"] * * * * * [Illustration: _First Bluejacket._ "Well, matey, wot 'appened?" _Second Bluejacket._ "Lieutenant, '_e_ reports as 'ow I were dirty, an' my 'ammick weren't clean, an' captin, '_e_ ses, 'Wash 'is bloomin' neck, scrub 'is bloomin' face, an' cut 'is bloomin' 'air, every ten minnits!'"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Volunteer Captain (acting Major first time)._ "Now then! What are you boys staring at? Did you never see a war-horse before?" _Boys (who had followed expecting a "spill.")_ "Aye--we've whiles seen a waur horse, but never a waur rider!"] * * * * * [Illustration: AD VALOREM. _(Energetic Sub has been pursuing runaway mule)._ "Well done, old chap! You deserve the D.S.O. at least. What is it? Ammunition?" "Ammunition! D.S.O.!! V.C., you mean!!!! Why, it's bottled beer!!!!"] * * * * * [Illustration: MONEY "TIGHT." _British Subaltern._ "By-the-by, Smith, can you lend me that sovereign I gave you this morning for a Christmas-box?!"] * * * * * [Illustration: OUR RESERVES. _Captain of Rural Corps (calling over the roll)._ "George Hodge!" _(No answer.)_ "George Hodge!--Where on earth's George Hodge?" _Voice from the ranks._ "Please, sir, he's turned dissenter, and says fighting's wicked."] * * * * * THE BUSY BISLEY