_Visitor_ (_at out-of-the-way Inn in the North_). "Do you know anything about salmon-poaching in the neighbourhood?" _Landlady_ (_whose son is not above suspicion_). "Eh--no, sir. Maybe it's a new style of cooking as we haven't heard of in these parts, as you see, sir, we only do our eggs that way; and"--(_brightening up_)--"if you like 'em, I can get you a dish at once!"] * * * * * THE SEVEN AGES OF LUGGAGE _Baby._ Perambulator, bottle, robe, fingerless gloves and woollen shoes. _Schoolboy._ Bat, ball, and aids to education. _Lover._ Guitar, music-book, writing materials, and fur-lined overcoat. _Justice._ Capon in basket, robes, and treatise upon ancient saws and modern instances. _Soldier._ Sword, uniform case, standard work upon Reputation. _Pantaloon._ Sausages, property red-hot poker, costume of motley, slippers and spectacle case. _Veteran._ Travels without luggage. * * * * * A GREAT TRAVELLER.--Dr. Watts was evidently in the habit of making pedestrian excursions on the Continent, for in one of his noblest lines, he expressly says-- "Whene'er I take my walks abroad." * * * * * INNOCENT ABROAD.--You are misled in your view that the _Cours de Cuisine_, mentioned in the prospectus of a French school, means the run of the kitchen. * * * * * [Illustration: IN THE SWISS HIGHLANDS.--_Brown._ "This is rather a pretty figure. You start on the left foot, cut a drop three--then----" (_Bump_) _Little Girl_ (_unmoved_). "Oh, _that's_ why it's called a drop three, Mr. Brown!"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Photographer_ (_on tour, absent-mindedly_). "Now smile, please!"] * * * * * AT THE CELESTIAL RESTAURANT.--_Customer_ (_indignantly_). Hi! waiter, what do you call this soup? _Waiter_ (_meekly_). I not know, sir, but ze padrone tell me to describe 'im Cockstail! * * * * * [Illustration: _Traveller_ (_snap-shotting tropical river, suddenly confronted by hippopotamus_). "Just keep like that one moment, please!" (_Rapturously_) "Such a delightful expression!"] * * * * * NOTE BY OUR TRAVELLER--At a station on the Elham Valley Line, "Kentish Pianos" are advertised. Are these adapted for playing only dance tunes, and therefore specially serviceable in a "Hop" county? * * * * * EASTER HOLIDAYS (_By One who has tried them_) Must really decide where to go for five or six days at Easter. Weather always awful. Usual Springtime. North-east wind, frost, snow and dust. Something like last week. Can't stop in London. One Sunday or Bank Holiday in London mournful enough. But four of them consecutively! Impossible!