Police-Constable Slummers, whose urbanity and great consideration for the inhabitants (especially on Saturday nights) have always been so conspicuous, is about to leave, and some of the more prominent townsmen have taken the opportunity of marking their sense of his valuable services by presenting him with a handsome pewter pot, engraved with his name and the date. A piano-organist now regularly attends the weekly market, and his music is greatly appreciated by those engaged in buying and selling. At the Farmer's Eighteenpenny Ordinary, last week, Mr. Chumpjaw stated that his mangolds were "the whackin'est big 'uns" grown in the county. * * * * * AT BOULOGNE.--_Mrs. Sweetly_ (_on her honeymoon_). Isn't it funny, Archibald, to see so many foreigners about? And all talking French! * * * * * PATRON SAINT OF MESSRS. COOK.--St. Martin of "Tours." * * * * * [Illustration: _Englishman_ (_to friend_). "There goes that awful liar, who says he has climbed everything under the sun." _Friend._ "Don't call him a liar. Rather say he has a great talent for exaggerating things that never happened."] * * * * * [Illustration: A PLEASANT UNCERTAINTY.--_Gigantic Guide._ "Ze last party zat was 'ere--no one knew whezzer zey _shumped_ over or was _thrown_ over!"] * * * * * [Illustration: A SLIGHT "MALONGTONGDEW" _Angelina._ "There are to be illuminations and fireworks, and they're to finish up with an 'ombrasmong général.' What can that be?" _Edwin._ "Well, 'ombasser' means to 'kiss'; so I suppose it means a kind of a sort of a general kissing all round." _Angelina._ "Horrid idea! I won't go near the place, and I'm sure you shan't, Edwin!" [Our readers, who know French better than E. and A., are aware that embrasement, with only one "s," has a totally different meaning. ] * * * * * [Illustration: HONEYMOONING IN PARIS.--_Mrs. Jones._ "Am I not an expensive little wifie?" _Jones_ (_who has spent the morning and a small fortune at the Magasin du Louvre_). "Well, you _are_ a little dear!"] * * * * * [Illustration: QUID PRO QUO.--_Madame Gaminot._ "Oh yes, Monsieur Jones, J'_adore_ les Anglais! Zey understand bisnesse! For example, zey pay me sixty pound--fifteen 'undred franc--to sing 'La Blanchisseuse du Tambour-Major' at a evening party! It seem a great deal! But zey laugh, and zey say, 'Oh, sharmong! Oh, ravissong!' and it mek everybody sink zat everybody else know French--it almost mek zem sink zat zey know it zemselfs!!! Ça vaut bien quinze cents francs, j'espère!"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Tourist_ (_at small Irish inn, miles from anywhere_). "Look here, what does this mean? I left my boots out last night, and they haven't been touched."