--"You know papa has been asked to play in the 'Fathers against the Boys' match?" "Yes, mother. But I hope the boys will win this year. If the fathers win again they'll be so beastly cocky!"] * * * * * [Illustration: "'Collapse of Essex.' Dear, dear! I wonder if my property at Ilford is safe?" [_Buys paper to see._ ] * * * * * CRICKETER'S FAVOURITE FISH.--Slips. * * * * * THE COUP DE GRACE.--Leg hit for six. * * * * * RIDDLE MADE "ON THE GROUND."--Why are cricket matches like the backs of cheap chairs? Because they're "fixed to come off". * * * * * SEASONABLE FIELD SPORT.--Leather-hunting. * * * * * [Illustration: PREHISTORIC PEEPS. (_A cricket match._) "How's that, umpire?"] * * * * * WET-WILLOW A SONG OF A SLOPPY SEASON. (_By a Washed-out Willow-Wielder._) AIR--"_Titwillow._" In the dull, damp pavilion a popular "Bat" Sang "Willow, wet-willow, wet-willow!" And I said "Oh! great slogger, pray what are you at, Singing 'Willow, wet-willow, wet-willow'? Is it lowness of average, batsman," I cried; "Or a bad 'brace of ducks' that has lowered your pride?" With a low-muttered swear-word or two he replied, "Oh willow, wet-willow, wet-willow!" He said "In the mud one can't score, anyhow, Singing willow, wet-willow, wet-willow! The people are raising a deuce of a row, Oh willow, wet-willow, wet-willow! I've been waiting all day in these flannels--they're damp!-- The spectators impatiently shout, shriek, and stamp, But a batsman, you see, cannot play with a Gamp, Oh willow, wet-willow, wet-willow!" "Now I feel just as sure as I am that my name Isn't willow, wet-willow, wet-willow, The people will swear that I don't play the game, Oh willow, wet-willow, wet-willow! My spirits are low and my scores are not high, But day after day, we've soaked turf and grey sky, And I sha'n't have a chance till the wickets get dry. Oh willow, wet-willow, wet-willow!!!" * * * * * CRICKET PROSPECTS (_From Dumb-Crambo Junior's point of view._) [Illustration: MARROW-BONE CLUB] [Illustration: A DOMESTIC FIXTURE] [Illustration: A RISING PLAYER] [Illustration: A PROMISING YOUNG BOWLER] [Illustration: TRIAL MATCHES] [Illustration: BATTER AND BAWL] * * * * * THE LADIES AT LORD'S OLD STYLE--EARLY SIXTIES. SCENE--_The Ground and its Accessories._ _Superior Creature._ Really very pleasant. _Weaker Sex._ Oh! charming. So delightful having luncheon _al fresco_. The lobster salad was capital. _S. C._ Very good. And the champagne really drinkable. _W. S._ And our chat has been so interesting, Captain SMORLTORK.