[Illustration: _'Arry (encountering a shut gate for the first time)._ "Wonder which end the thing opens? Ah, 'ere y'are! 'Ere's the 'ooks an' eyes!"] * * * * * [Illustration: THE BEAN HARVEST _Cockney Tourist._ "Tut-t-t! Good gracious! What ever can 'ave made the corn turn so black?"] * * * * * [Illustration: THE EASTER VACATION. _Owner._ "Well, the poor old moke ain't been quite 'isself lately, so we thought a day in the country 'ud do im good!"] * * * * * MISTAKES ABOUT SCOTLAND _(Contributed by a Converted Cockney)_ It is a mistake to believe that every Scotchman, when he goes to Edinburgh, immediately walks down Princes Street clad in the ancient costume of the Highlanders. It is a mistake to believe that the _piece de resistance_ at every Scotch dinner-party is a haggis. It is a mistake to believe that a Scotchman does not enjoy a joke every bit as much as an Englishman. It is a mistake to believe that a Scotch Sabbath in the country is a whit more _triste_ than an English Sunday in the provinces. It is a mistake to believe that a Scotchman sets a greater value upon his "bawbee" than an Englishman upon his shilling or an American upon his dollar. It is a mistake to believe that inns in Scotland are dearer and less comfortable than hotels in England. It is a mistake to believe that we have a city in England that can compare favourably (from an architectural point of view) with the town of Edinburgh. It is a mistake to believe that it always rains in the Isle of Skye. It is a mistake to believe that there are no more "Fair Maids" in the houses of Perth. It is a mistake to believe that Hampstead Heath is as beautiful as Dunkeld. It is a mistake to believe that the Caledonian Canal is at all like the Serpentine. It is a mistake to believe that Aberdeen is less imposing in appearance than Chelsea or Islington. It is a mistake to believe that the countrymen of Scott and Burns do not appreciate the works of Shakspeare, Milton, Byron, Dickens, Thackeray, and Tennyson. And, lastly (this is added to the Cockney's list by the wisest sage of this or any other age), it is the greatest mistake of all to believe that _Mr. Punch_ does not like and respect (in spite of an occasional joke at their expense) the kindly, homely, sound-hearted people who live north of the Tweed. * * * * * [Illustration: AFTER THE RACES. _Little 'Arry (who has had a "bad day"--to driver of public coach)._ "Ever lose any money backin' 'orses, coachie?" _Driver._ "Not 'alf! Lost twenty quid once--backed a pair of 'orses and a homnibus into a shop window in Regent Street!"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Old Lady._ "Dear me, what a nice refined-looking little boy. Why, Jane, he has a mouth fit for a cherub; I really must give him sixpence." [_Does so._