Miss Binks was looking on! On that maiden I was gone, Just as she was gone on golf, in perfervid Scottish style. On my merits with McBungo I should just about have won, But my shots to-day were such as made even Effie smile; Oh, the lumps of turf I lifted! Oh, the easy balls I missed! Oh, the bunkers I got bogged in! And at last a gentle scorn Curled the lips I would have given my pet "Putter" to have kissed. Such a bungler as myself her loved links had never borne; And all the while McBungo--the young crocodile!--bewailed What he called my "beastly luck," though his joy was plain as print, Whilst that squint grew worse and worse at each shot of mine which failed. Oh! never have a caddie with a squint! [Illustration: Lady Golfer] In "playing through the green" with my "brassie" I was seen At most dismal disadvantage on that miserable day; _He_ pointed through the rushes with cock-eyed, sardonic spleen,-- I followed his squint guidance, and I struck a yard away; But, oh! 'twas worst of all, when I tried to hole the ball. Oh, the ogre! _How_ he squinted at that crisis of the game! His hideous strabismus held me helpless, a blind thrall Shattered my nerves completely, put my skill to open shame. That squint would, I am sure, have upset the solar system-- Oho! the impish impudence, the gruesome goggle-glint! The low, malicious chuckle, as he softly muttered, "Missed 'im!" No, _never_ have a caddie with a squint! Yet all the same McBungo did _not_ get that rich Miss Binks, Who was so sweet in every way, especially on golf. He fancied he had cut me out that day upon those links, But although he won the game--at golf, his love-game came not off. He and that demon caddie tried between them very hard To shame me in the eyes of that dear enthusiast, But--well, my clubs she carries, whilst McBungo, evil-starred, Was caught by a Scotch vixen with an obvious optic cast! _That's_ Nemesis, I say! And she will not let him play At the game he so adores. True she's wealthy as the Mint. At golf, with Effie, I have passed many a happy day, But--we never have a caddie with a squint!