But where is now your ancient pomp? Your dance is but a vulgar romp, Your shocking "Barns" and "Posts"--oh, fie! You only think of kicking high. The men career _sans_ time, _sans_ rhythm, The girls rush helter-skelter with 'em, They charge, they trample on one's toes, Their elbows hit one on the nose, They black one's eyes, still on they come, They butt one in the back and stom-- I mean the waistcoat, till the hall Is more like battlefield than ball. I'd rather serve in the Soudan, I'd rather fight at Omdurman, I'd rather quarrel with a chum, I'd rather face a Rugby scrum, Nay, by the stars, I'd rather be That hapless wretch, the referee, Most desperate of men, than chance My life and limbs at modern dance. In 1906 the introduction of the "Boston" waltz prompts one of _Punch's_ artists to depict the sad experience of a young lady whose partners had all learned the new dance from American instructors, and who all danced it in a different way. The band, by the way, is playing "The Blue Danube," for Johann Strauss was still a name to conjure with. References to rowdy dancing are frequent in 1907, when _Punch_ printed designs of various costumes to resist the tremendous wear-and-tear of the ballroom, and in 1908, when he suggests, to meet a "long felt want," that a special space should be railed off for "plungers." _Punch's_ picture of the "Borston" as danced in 1909 belies the ironical title "The Poetry of Motion." Long tight skirts were still worn and are a feature of the series of suggestions, made in the same year, by Mr. Baumer for brightening our ballrooms--the Judy-walk, the Apache Polka, the Salome Lancers and the Vampire Valse. That same acute observer of gilded (and painted) youth includes in his burlesque Coronation Procession in 1911 a member of the aristocracy in the guise of a caracoling Bacchante; and in the same year the male dancer craze is satirized in a series of pictures showing the spread of the infection to policemen, railway porters, scavengers, ticket collectors, etc. The revival of old English dances dates from this period, but if _Punch_ is to be trusted, made little impression on Mayfair. Even the most distinguished and eminent politicians did not scorn the dance. Mr. Balfour gave a ball at the height of the season in 1912, and _Punch_ (who was not there) gave the following wholly apocryphal description of the revels:-- ARTHUR'S BALL When Parliament, sick with unreason, Was occupied, night after night, With bandying charges of treason, And challenging Ulster to fight, To ease the political tension Prince Arthur determined to call A truce to this deadly dissension By giving a Ball.