_Miss J. J._ (_concluding_). And such, Sir, are these entertainments grand, In which Mirth and Refinement go ’and-in-’and! [_As the_ Duke _is expressing his appreciation of the elevating effect of such performances, the_ Butler _rushes in, followed by two flurried_ Footmen. _Butler._ Pardon this interruption, my Lord, but I come to announce the fact That by armed house-breakers the pantry has just been attacked! _Duke._ Then we’ll repel them--each to his weapons look! I know how to defend my property, although I _am_ a Dook! _Miss J._ (_snatching sword from one of the men-in-armour_). With such a weapon I their hash will settle! _You’ll_ lend it, won’t yer, old Britannia Metal? [_Shouts and firing without; the_ Footmen _hide under sofa_. Let flunkeys flee--though danger may encircle us, A British Buttons ain’t afeard of Burgulars! [_Tremendous firing, during which the_ Burglars _are supposed to be repulsed with heavy loss by the_ Duke, Butler, _and_ Page. _Miss J._ ’Ere--I say, Dook, I saved yer life, didn’t yer _know_? (_A parting shot, upon which she staggers back with a ringing scream_.) The Brutes! they’ve been and shot me!... Mother!... Oh! [_Dies in lime-light and great agony; the_ Footmen _come out from under sofa and regard with sorrowing admiration the lifeless form of the_ Little Crossing-sweeper, _which the_ Duke, _as curtain falls, covers reverently with the best table-cloth_. II.--JOE, THE JAM-EATER. _A MUSICAL SPECTACULAR AND SENSATIONAL INTERLUDE._ (_Dedicated respectfully to Mr. McDougall and the L. C. C._) [Illustration: Joe!] The Music-hall Dramatist, like Shakspeare and Molière, has a right to take his material from any source that may seem good to him. _Mr. Punch_, therefore, makes no secret of the fact, that he has based the following piece upon the well-known poem of “The Purloiner,” by the Sisters Jane and Ann Taylor, who were _not_, as might be too hastily concluded, “Song and Dance Duettists,” but two estimable ladies, who composed “cautionary” verses for the young, and whose works are a perfect mine of wealth for Moral Dramatists. In this dramatic version the Author has tried to infuse something of the old Greek sense of an overruling destiny, without detriment to prevailing ideas of moral responsibility. Those who have the misfortune to be born with a propensity for illicit jam, may learn from our Drama the terrible results of failing to overcome it early in life. JOE, THE JAM-EATER. DRAMATIS PERSONÆ. _Jam-Loving Joe._ By that renowned Melodramatic Serio-Comic, Miss CONNIE CURDLER. _Joe’s Mother_ (_the very part for Mrs. BANCROFT if she can only be induced to make her reappearance_). _John, a Gardener._ By the great Pink-eyed Unmusical Zulu.