_Soldier D._ (_to_ Sailor D.). As you have broke her heart, I’ll break your nob! [_Hits him._ _Sailor D._ (_in a pale fury_). This insult must be blotted out in bran! _Soldier D._ (_fiercely_). Come on, I’ll shed your sawdust--if I can! [Miss J. _and_ P. _throw themselves between the combatants_. _Miss J._ For any mess you make _we_ shall be scolded, So wait until a drugget we’ve unfolded! [_They lay down drugget on Stage._ _The Soldier D._ (_politely_). No hurry, Miss, _we_ don’t object to waiting. _The Sailor D._ (_aside_). His valour--like my own--’s evaporating! (_Defiantly to_ Soldier D.). On guard! You’ll see how soon I’ll run you through! (_Confidentially._) (If you will not prod _me_, I won’t pink _you_.) _The Soldier D._ Through your false kid my deadly blade I’ll pass! (_Confidentially._) (Look here, old fellow, don’t you be a _hass_!) [_They exchange passes at a considerable distance._ _The Sailor D._ (_aside_). Don’t lose your temper now! _Sold. D._ Don’t get excited. Do keep a little farther off! _Sail. D._ Delighted! [_Wounds_ Soldier D. _by misadventure._ _Sold. D._ (_annoyed_). There now, you’ve gone and made upon my wax a dent! _Sail. D._ Excuse me, it was really quite an accident. _Sold. D._ (_savagely_). Such clumsiness would irritate a saint! [_Stabs Sailor Doll._ _Miss J. and P._ (_imploringly_). Oh, stop! the sight of sawdust turns us faint! [_They drop into chairs, swooning._ _Sail. D._ I’ll pay you out for that! [_Stabs Soldier D._ _Sold. D._ Right through you’ve poked me! _Sailor D._ So you have _me_! _Sold. D._ You shouldn’t have provoked me! [_They fall transfixed._ _Sailor D._ (_faintly_). Alas, we have been led away by vanity. Dolls shouldn’t try to imitate humanity! [_Dies._ _Soldier D._ For, if they do, they’ll end like us, unpitied, Each on the other’s sword absurdly spitted! [_Dies._ Miss J. _and_ P. _revive, and bend sadly over the corpses_. _Miss Jenny._ From their untimely end we draw this moral, How wrong it is, even for dolls, to quarrel! _Miss Polly._ Yes, Jenny, in the fate of these poor fellows see What sad results may spring from female jealousy! [_They embrace penitently as Curtain falls._ XII. CONRAD; OR, THE THUMBSUCKER. (_Adapted freely from a well-known Poem in the “Struwwelpeter.”_) CHARACTERS. _Conrad (aged 6)._ _Conrad’s Mother(47)._ _The Scissorman (age immaterial)._ SCENE--_An Apartment in the house of_ CONRAD’S _Mother, window in centre at back, opening upon a quiet thoroughfare. It is dusk, and the room is lighted only by the reflected gleam from the street-lamps._ CONRAD _discovered half-hidden by left window-curtain._