Mr Punch's Model Music Hall Songs and Dramas: Collected, Improved and Re-arranged from PunchAnstey, F.
General
Mr Punch's Model Music Hall Songs and Dramas: Collected, Improved and Re-arranged from Punch
Anstey, F.
Humorous songs -- England -- Texts; Musicals -- Librettos -- Parodies, imitations, etc.; Revues -- Librettos -- Parodies, imitations, etc.
[_Repeat, with the whole company marching round after him._
_The Soldier Doll._ My friend will next oblige--this jolly Jack Tar.
Will give his song and chorus in charàck-tar!
[_Same business with_ Sailor D.
_Song, by the_ Sailor Doll.
In costume I’m
So maritime,
You’d never suppose the fact is,
That with the Fleet
In Regent Street,
I’d precious little naval practice!
There was saucy craft,
Rigged fore an’ aft,
Inside o’ Mr. Cre-mer’s.
From Noah’s Arks to Clipper-built barques,
Like-wise mechanical stea-mers.
_Chorus._
But to navigate the Serpentine,
Yeo-ho, my lads, ahoy!
With clockwork, sails, or spirits of wine,
Yeo-ho, my lads, ahoy!
I did respeckfully decline,
So I was left in port to pine,
Which wasn’t azactually the line
Of a rollicking Sailor Boy, Yeo-ho!
Of a rollicking Sailor Bo-oy!
Yes, there was lots
Of boats and yachts,
Of timber and of tin, too;
But one and all
Was far too small
For a doll o’ my size to get into
I was too big
On any brig
To ship without disas-ter,
And it wouldn’t never do
When the cap’n and the crew
Were a set ’o little swabs all plaster!
_Chorus_--So to navigate the Serpentine, &c.
An Ark is p’raps
The berth for chaps
As is fond o’ Natural Hist’ry.
But I sez to Shem
And the rest o’ them,
“How you get along at all’s a myst’ry!
With a Wild Beast Show
Let loose below,
And four fe-males on deck too!
I never could agree
With your happy fami-lee,
And your lubberly ways I objeck to.”
[_Chorus. Hornpipe by the company, after which the_ Soldier
Doll _advances condescendingly to_ Miss JENNY.
_The Sold. D._ Invincible I’m reckoned by the Ladies,
But yield to you--though conquering my trade is!
_Miss J._ (_repulsing him_). Oh, go away, you great conceited thing,
you!
[_The_ Sold. D. _persists in offering her attentions._
_Miss P._ (_watching them bitterly_). To be deserted by one’s
doll _does_ sting you!
[_The_ Sailor D. _approaches._
_The Sailor D._ (_to_ Miss P.) Let _me_ console you, Miss, a Sailor
Doll
As swears his ’art was ever true to Poll!
(N.B.--_Good opportunity for Song here._)
_Miss P._ (_indignantly to_ Miss J.) Your Sailor’s teasing me to
be his idol!
Do make him stop--(_spitefully_)--When you’ve _quite_ done
with _my_ doll!
_Miss J._ (_scornfully._) If you suppose _I_ want your wretched
warrior,
I’m sorry _for_ you!
_Miss P._ I for you am sorrier.
_Miss J._ (_weeping_, R.). Polly preferred to me--what ignominy!
_Miss P._ (_weeping_, L.). My horrid Soldier jilting me for Jenny!
[_The two Dolls face one another_, C.
_Sailor D._ (_to_ Soldier D.). You’ve made her sluice her sky-lights
now, you swab!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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