An’ then sic ignorance! Losh me, I’m feared ye’ll no can doot it, But nane kent whaur Kinghorn micht be, Nor onything aboot it. Tis awfu’! Yet ’twad seem to ca’ For peety mair than scorn, man, For mind ye, ’tisna gi’en to a’ To live aboot Kinghorn, man. [Illustration: “USED TO IT!” _Officer at firing-point (who thinks that it’s raining)._ “Sergeant Mauchline, hadn’t you better wear your great coat till it’s your turn to fire?” _Sergeant Mauchline (frae the “Land of Lorne”)._ “Hoo! No the noo! I’ll pit it on when it comes wat!”] * * * * * _City Friend (visiting in Scottish rural town)._ And tell me, Andrew, are you wi’ the Wee Kirkers, or the United Frees? _Andrew._ Man, I’m gi’en’ up releegion a’thegither, an j’inin’ the Auld Kirk. * * * * * The Scotsman who tumbled off a bicycle says that in future he intends to “let wheel alone.” * * * * * MY ONLY “CROSSED CHECKS.”--My own Shepherd’s-plaid Trousers. * * * * * [Illustration: QUANTITY, NOT QUALITY _English Angler, having discovered there are two sorts of whisky at the inn (best at 6d., second best at 3d.), orders a glass each of the sixpenny._ _Gillie (in a whisper to the maid as she passes)._ “Make mine twa o’ the threepenny!”] [Illustration: A PRACTICAL APPLICATION _Irate Landlord (and Free-Kirk Elder, after being called in, for the fiftieth time, about some repairs)._ “The fact is, Mrs. McRacket, ye’ll ne’er be content till ye’re i’ the hoose made wi’out hands.”--(_Severely._)--“See Second Corinthians, fifth chapter, and firrst vairse, Mrs. McRacket!”] [Illustration: “DEPRESSION” _Tourist (tipping the old gravedigger, who had shown him over the Cathedral)._ “I suppose, now so many visitors are in the town, you’ll be doing well?” _Gravedigger._ “Ou aye, there’s a wheen fowk gaun aboot, but”--(_gloomily_)--“there’s terr’ble little deein’ in the diggin’ waye!”] A SKETCH IN SCOTLAND Since the immortal meeting of the Brick Lane Temperance Society, at which the Messrs. Weller and the Reverend the Shepherd attended (after refection elsewhere), and the latter, in response to the Chairman’s fat smile and invitation to address the meeting, declined, on the ground that the meeting was drunk, we have seen nothing so good as this, which we take from the _Dundee Courier_:-- “On Sunday last, the minister of a large congregation in Dundee was interrupted in the course of his forenoon sermon by the repeated coughing of his auditors. Pausing in the midst of his observations, he addressed his congregation to the following effect:--‘You go about the streets at the New Year time--you get drunk, and get cold, then you come here and cough, cough like a park of artillery. I think I must give you a vacation of six weeks, that you may have time to get sober, and to regain your health again.’” [Illustration: “MOST UNFORTUNATE!”