Remember, remember, The month of September-- Partridges, rabbits, and hares; Any hamper you send, My breech-loading friend, Put "Paid" on the label it bears. * * * * * SPORTIANA.--A young sportswoman in the Highlands is reported to have shot "six fine stags through the heart." Must have been "young bucks." Of course, she used Cupid's bullets on her murderous career amid the harts. * * * * * [Illustration: "A MOST PALPABLE!" _Beginner_ (_excitedly, the first shot at the end of a blank morning_). "How's that, John?" _John._ "Well, ye seem to 'ave 'it 'im, sir!"] * * * * * ON A DANGEROUS SHOT (_By Mr. Punch's Vagrant_) He seemed an inoffensive man When first I saw him on the stubble; Made on the self-same sporting plan As those who shoot with ease or trouble! The average men, in fact, whose skill (A thing of luck far more than habit) Tempts them at times to go and kill The hare, the partridge and the rabbit. He rushed not and he did not lag; He kept the line when we were walking. He had a useful cartridge-bag; And was not prone to useless talking. He smoked an ordinary pipe; His guns were hammerless ejectors; He wore a fairly common type Of patent pig-skin leg-protectors. He told a story now and then, Some ancient tale of fur or feather, That sportsmen love to smile at when On Autumn days they come together. In fact, he seemed to outward view In all his gunned and gaitered glory, Just such a man as I or you, Except--but that's another story. Except (I'll tell it) when he shot: Then, then he did not care a cuss, sir; He blazed as if he hadn't got The least regard for life or us, sir. Our terrors left him unafraid; He tried for full-grown birds and cheepers, And, missing these, he all but made A record bag of guns and keepers. * * * * * [Illustration: THE SINEWS OF SPORT.--_The Marquis_ (_to head keeper_). "Now, Grandison, His Royal Highness will be tired of waiting: why don't you send in the beaters?" _Head keeper_ (_sotto voce_). "Beg pardon, my lord, the London train's late this morning with the pheasants--we must have half an hour to get 'em into the coverts!"] * * * * * AT THE QUICKSHOT CLUB.--_First Sportsman._ Well, I killed four rabbits with two barrels last September. _Second Sportsman._ And I had five partridges on one drive, three coming towards me, and two with fresh cartridges over the hill. _Third Sportsman_ (_wearily_). But nobody comes up to my slaying of an elephant in Assam with a pea rifle. Would you like to hear the yarn? [_The Third Sportsman is immediately left alone._ * * * * *