"She and me an Jimmy finished Jimmy's lunch and sat around, whilst I told 'em anecdotes concernin' life as it was lived outside the bonds of Oggsouash, till quarter to seven rolled around. Then we took the back way to the church. "I don't think it has ever been my privilege to gaze on one hundred and fifty faces all so astonished at one and the same time as when I stepped forward to the center of the stage at Oggsouash and addressed the meetin', me bein' clad as Santy Claus, in flowin' white whiskers, hair to match. Jimmy's coat that come down almost to my waist, a baggage-truck of toys behind me, and a gun in each hand. "'Dearly beloved brethren,' says I, 'I shall try to interest you for a few minutes, and I urge and beg and pray of you that if any male member of your number here assembled feels in any way nervous or fidgety during the course of my remarks that he will conceal it with all possible haste and discreshun, because otherwise I ain't goin' to have the bill for the consequences in my mail. [Illustration: "'Dearly beloved brethren,' says I."] "'How Oggsouash and I come together is neither here nor there, although I could find it in my heart to wish it was,' I says. 'But now that the worst has happened, let us meet the consequences like men--you, like men raised and prostrated by such things as cauliflower, sweet potatoes, and hay, washed down by the water which flows in all its glistening uselessness among the hop-toads and mud-turtles of Oggsouash Creek; and me, like men that pick the hindleg of an ox at a sittin' and make the spirits in Peg-leg's place go down like the approach of Arctic breezes. "'To resume,' says I. 'It may be that there ain't a man drifted further from what the standards of this here place is than I be, but I'm willin' to put my hand to an affydavit statin' it never crossed my mind to draft a set of rules as an improvement on the Almighty's. There's where you put it all over me. I have held up a train to hear what the passengers would say, but lackin' the advantages that has doubtless been yours, I duck when it comes to reformin' Heaven. "'It struck me with the force of a revelation when I arrived at your glowin' mertroppollus this afternoon that to make any human bein', particlerly children, forget for a time that they lived in Oggsouash was a religious duty. I have therefore furnished a few trifles for the purpose. I move you, ladies and gentlemen, that we turn this Christmas Eve into a Pagan festival. All in favor of this motion will keep their seats--contrary minded will please rise,' and I cocked both guns. "'Carried, unanimous,' says I. 'Now, please let each young person come forward as his, her, or its name is called. I shall be severely displeased if you don't.'