"'Thank you, thank you for them sweet words, spoke by somebody _alive_, anyhow,' says I. 'And this much more, Mrs. Scraggs,' says I, 'before we part. If ever you hear me complain of anythin' concernin' you ladies just you say "Oggsouash" to me and hold your hand, so, to indicate an empty glass. "'Good-night, Susanna--Merry Christmas,' says I. 'On my word of honor, there has been one moment of my life when I was glad to see you.' "And I left her standin' there, with the candle in her hand, paralyzed. "And I can conclood, as I suggested in the beginning, that I had not foresaw one item of these occurrences when I risked that collar-button." IV THE SIEGE OF THE DRUG STORE "Once upon a time, when I was scarcely married at all, you might say," began Mr. Scraggs, "I quit workin' for a livin' and started a scientific school." "_You_ did?" cried Red, after one astonished second vanished in the past. "Yes, sir," replied Mr. Scraggs, "I did. _It_ was for the investigation and pursuit of this, here doctrine of chances. The idee was to put a little box full of playin'-cards on the table, and draw them forth one at a time, to see just how they'd fall. Some of the students got that interested they bet on the results." "Oh!" said Charley, "I took a course in that one winter myself. Did you always draw _one_ card at a time out'n that box, Zeke?" "So help me, Bob! I did," returned Mr. Scraggs most earnestly. "Hence I didn't get rich. It sometimes happened that a Wild Wolf from Up the Creek would breeze in, full of rum, plumb foolishness, and money. Oh, man! High or low, red or black, odd or even, coppered or open, on the corner or let her rip, last turn and in the middle, from soda-card to hock, them brier-whiskered sons-of-guns would whipsaw my poor little bank till there wasn't much left of her but sawdust. Yes, sir," mourned Mr. Scraggs, "I made enough out of the early birds to eat, but them Roarin' Bears from Bruindale uset sometimes to apply the flat of their hands to my seat of learning till the sparks flew out of my eyes. In short, this sportin' life was too much up and down hill for me. No sooner would I git ready to declare a dividend than one of my outside customers would come in and take that dividend and wipe both feet on it, roll on it, stomp it, fly ten foot in the air and come down on it, bite chunks out of it, and then I'd light a match, gather the crumbs from the floor, and wisht I could git holt of something at once easy and reliable.