kept upstairs, locking her door, when her husband himself came. No, she
would do nothing. She would not go to his friends to be despised. She
would not go abroad with him to be miserable. He knew how she hated
foreign countries. She would not go home to him, or see him to discuss
these questions. He could go where he pleased, she would not put herself
in his way. She would not shame him among his fine friends. Nobody
should say she was a burden on her husband. It is impossible to imagine
anything more confused, more agitated, more feverish than the course of
these painful days; but at last it became apparent even to Arthur that
this could go on no longer. Many little indications of a state of things
which he had never dreamt of, and which was fatal to the self-esteem
which is in every man’s bosom, worked on the poor young fellow’s mind as
much as the actual grievance of the moment. That he had been thought of
as a good match was, perhaps, inevitable in the circumstances; but even
that is not agreeable; and to know that your wife has gone to her
father’s house to complain of you, is an offence which few men could
easily forgive. All this produced in Arthur’s mind an impression of
painful unreality in the past than which there is nothing more wounding,
more bitter on earth. That love should fail and hearts change is bad
enough; but that the love which you have believed in implicitly should
never have existed at all, that your affection should have been regarded
as a matter of worldly advantage, and your conduct discussed with
others, what thought can sting more deeply? It destroyed not only
Arthur’s faith in his wife, but his faith in the life they had lived
together. Hitherto it had been her too great sincerity, her incapacity
for feigning, he thought, poor fellow, which had been their rock ahead.
And now was all insincere, was all feigned from beginning to end? His
head seemed to turn, and the giddy world to go round with him, and that
wrath “which works like madness in the brain,” the wrath which is half
love, and which feels every injury with twofold aggravation of
resentment, yet yearning, took possession of his mind. It was in this
condition that he left Underhayes. Durant had made on Arthur’s behalf
the most careful arrangements for Nancy with her father. She was to
retain the villa if she chose, and the half of the allowance Sir John
gave to his son. Arthur would have given the whole, had that been
possible. As it was she would be well off, able to do as she pleased,
according to her breeding, to help her family, to occupy an important
position among them. The poor young fellow thought with bitterness that
this would be more congenial to her than any elevation which could have
reached her with him; and perhaps, indeed, there was some reason in
this, for the elevations which could reach her as Arthur’s wife were, in
a sense, humiliations. Everybody in his rank looked upon her with
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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