On Christmas Mrs. U. S. G. Budlong took all the gifts she had
gleaned, and piled them on and around the baby grand piano in the
back parlor. There was a piano lamp there, one of those illuminated
umbrellas--about as large and as useful as a date-palm tree.
Along about that time in the afternoon when the Christmas dinner
becomes a matter of hopeless remorse, Mrs. Budlong's neighbors were
expected to drop in and view the loot under the lamp. It looked like
hospitality, but it felt like hostility. She passed her neighbors
under the yoke and gloated over her guests, while seeming to
overgloat her gifts.
But she got the gifts. There was no question of that. By hook or by
crook she saw to it that the bazaar under the piano lamp always
groaned.
One of the chief engines for keeping up the display was the display
itself. Everybody who knew Mrs. Budlong--and not to know Mrs.
Budlong was to argue oneself unknown--knew that he or she would be
invited to this Christmas triumph. And being invited rather implied
being represented in the tribute.
Hence ensued a curious rivalry in Carthage. People vied with each
other in giving Mrs. Budlong presents; not that they loved Mrs.
Budlong more, but that they loved comparisons less.
The rivalry had grown to ridiculous proportions. But of course Mrs.
Budlong did not care how ridiculous it grew; for it could hardly have
escaped her shrewd eyes how largely it advantaged her that people
should give her presents in order to show other people that some
people needn't think they could show off before other people without
having other people show that they could show off, too, as well as
other people could. The pyschology must be correct, for it is
incoherent.
Mrs. Budlong herself was never known to break any of the
commandments, but in her back parlor her neighbors made flitters of
the one against coveting thy neighbor's and-so-forth and so-on.
It was when Mr. and Mrs. County Road Supervisor Detwiller were
walking home from one of these occasions, that Mr. Detwiller was
saying: "Well, ain't Mizzes Budlong the niftiest little gift-getter
that ever held up a train? How on earth did We happen to get stung?"
"I don't know, Roscoe. It's one of those things you can't get out of
without getting out of town too. Here we've been and gone and
skimped our own children to buy something that would show up good in
Mrs. Budlong's back parlor, and when I laid eyes on it in all that
clutter--why, if it didn't look like something the cat brought in,
I'll eat it!"
Mr. Detwiller had only one consolation--and he grinned over it:
"Well, there's no use cryin' over spilt gifts. But did you see how
she stuck old Widower Clute for that Japanese porcelain vace--I
notice she called it vahs?"
"Porcelain?" sniffed Mrs. Detwiller. "Paper musshay!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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