Mrs. Caudle's Curtain LecturesJerrold, Douglas William
General
Mrs. Caudle's Curtain Lectures
Jerrold, Douglas William
English wit and humor; Marriage -- Humor
“Wasn't dear mother so happy with us, tonight? Now, you needn't go to
sleep, so suddenly. I say, wasn't she so happy! _You don't know?_ How
can you say you don't know? You must have seen it. But she always is
happier here than anywhere else. Ha! what a temper that dear soul has!
I call it a temper of satin; it is so smooth, so easy, and so soft.
Nothing puts her out of the way. And then, if you only knew how she
takes your part, Caudle! I'm sure, if you'd been her own son ten times
over, she couldn't be fonder of you. Don't you think so, Caudle? Eh,
love? Now, do answer. _How can you tell?_ Nonsense, Caudle; you must
have seen it. I'm sure, nothing delights the dear soul so much as when
she's thinking how to please you.
“Don't you remember Thursday night, the stewed oysters, when you came
home? That was all dear mother's doings! 'Margaret,' says she to me,
'it's a cold night; and don't you think dear Mr. Caudle would like
something nice before he goes to bed? And that, Caudle, is how the
oysters came about. Now, don't sleep, Caudle: do listen to me, for five
minutes; 'tisn't often I speak, goodness knows.
“And then, what a fuss she makes when you 're out, if your slippers
arn't put to the fire for you. _She's very good?_ Yes--I know she is,
Caudle. And hasn't she been six months--though I promised her not to
tell you--six months, working a watch-pocket for you! And with _her_
eyes, dear soul--and at _her_ time of life!
“And then what a cook she is? I'm sure, the dishes she'll make out of
next to nothing! I try hard enough to follow her: but I'm not ashamed
to own it, Caudle, she quite beats me. Ha! the many nice little things
she'd simmer up for you--and I can't do it; the children, you know
it, Caudle, take so much of my time. I can't do it, love: and I often
reproach myself that I can't. Now, you shan't go to sleep, Caudle; at
least; not for five minutes. You must hear me.
“I've been thinking, dearest--ha! that nasty cough, love!--I've been
thinking, darling, if we could only persuade dear mother to come and
live with us. Now, Caudle, you can't be asleep; it's impossible--you
were coughing only this minute--yes, to live with us. What a treasure
we should have in her! Then, Caudle, you never need go to bed without
something nice and hot. And you want it, Caudle. _You don't want it?_
Nonsense, you do; for you're not strong, Caudle; you know you're not.
“I'm sure, the money she'd save us in housekeeping. Ha! what an eye
she has for a joint! The butcher doesn't walk that could deceive dear
mother. And then, again, for poultry! What a finger and thumb she has
for a chicken! I never could market like her; it's a gift--quite a gift.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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