“A respectable thing, that, for a married man to carry about with him,--a dead-latch key! That tells a tale, I think. A nice thing for the father of a family! A key! What, to let yourself in and out when you please! To come in, like a thief in the middle of the night, instead of knocking at the door like a decent person! Oh, don't tell me that you only want to prevent me sitting up,--if I choose to sit up, what's that to you? Some wives, indeed, would make a noise about sitting up, but _you've_ no reason to complain, goodness knows! “Well, upon my word, I've lived to hear something. Carry the dead-latch key about with you! I've heard of such things with young good-for-nothing bachelors, with nobody to care what became of 'em; but for a married man to leave his wife and children in the house with the door upon the latch--don't talk to me about Chubb, it's all the same--a great deal you must care for us. Yes, it's very well for you to say, that you only want the key for peace and quietness--what's it to you, if I like to sit up? You've no business to complain; it can't distress you. Now, it's no use your talking; all I say is this, Caudle: if you send a man to put on any lock here, I'll call in a policeman; as I'm your married wife, I will! “No, I think when a man comes to have the dead-latch key, the sooner he turns bachelor again the better. I'm sure, Caudle, I don't want to be any clog upon you. Now, its no use your telling me to hold my tongue, for I--What? I give you the head-ache, do I? No, I don't, Caudle: it's your club that gives you the head-ache: it's your smoke, and your--well! if ever I knew such a man in all my life! there's no saying a word to you! You go out, and treat yourself like an emperor--and come home at twelve at night, or any hour, for what I know,--and then you threaten to have a key, and--and--and----” “I _did_ get to sleep at last,” says Caudle, “amidst the falling sentences of 'take children into a lodging'--'separate maintenance'--'won't be made a slave of'--and so forth.” LECTURE XIII. MRS. CAUDLE HAS BEEN TO SEE HER DEAR MOTHER. CAUDLE, ON THE “JOYFUL OCCASION,” HAS GIVEN A PARTY, AND ISSUED THE ANNEXED CARD OF INVITATION. [Illustration: 057] “It _is_ hard, I think, Mr. Caudle, that I can't leave home for a day or two, but the house must be turned into a tavern: a tavern?--a pothouse! Yes, I thought you were very anxious that I should go; I thought you wanted to get rid of me for something, or you would not have insisted on my staying at dear mother's all night. You were afraid I should get cold coming home, were you? Oh yes, you can be very tender, you can, Mr. Caudle, when it suits your own purpose. Yes! and the world thinks what a good husband you are! I only wish the world knew you as well as I do, that's all; but it shall, some day, I'm determined.