Mrs. Caudle's Curtain LecturesJerrold, Douglas William
General
Mrs. Caudle's Curtain Lectures
Jerrold, Douglas William
English wit and humor; Marriage -- Humor
"Is your cold better to-night, Caudle? Yes; I thought it was.
'Twill be quite well to-morrow, I dare say. There's a love! You
don't take care enough of yourself, Caudle, you don't. And you
ought, I'm sure, if only for my sake. For whatever I should do, if
anything was to happen to you--but I think of it; no, I can't bear to
think OF THAT. Still, you ought to take care of yourself; for you
know you're not strong, Caudle; you know you're not.
"Wasn't dear mother so happy with us to-night? Now, you needn't go
to sleep so suddenly. I say, wasn't she so happy?
"YOU DON'T KNOW?
"How can you say you don't know? You must have seen it. But she is
always happier here than anywhere else. Ha! what a temper that dear
soul has! I call it a temper of satin; it is so smooth, so easy, and
so soft. Nothing puts her out of the way. And then, if you only
knew how she takes your part, Caudle! I'm sure, if you had been her
own son ten times over, she couldn't be fonder of you. Don't you
think so, Caudle? Eh, love? Now, do answer.
"HOW CAN YOU TELL?
"Nonsense, Caudle; you must have seen it. I'm sure nothing delights
the dear soul so much as when she's thinking how to please you.
"Don't you remember Thursday night, the stewed oysters when you came
home? That was all dear mother's doings! 'Margaret,' says she to
me, 'it's a cold night; and don't you think dear Mr. Caudle would
like something nice before he goes to bed?' And that, Caudle, is how
the oysters came about. Now, don't sleep, Caudle: do listen to me
for five minutes; 'tisn't often I speak, goodness knows.
"And then, what a fuss she makes when you are out, if your slippers
aren't put to the fire for you.
"SHE'S VERY GOOD?
"Yes,--I know she is, Caudle. And hasn't she been six months--though
I promised her not to tell you--six months working a watch-pocket for
you! And with HER eyes, dear soul--and at HER time of life!
"And then what a cook she is! I'm sure the dishes she'll make out of
next to nothing! I try hard enough to follow her: but, I'm not
ashamed to own it, Caudle, she quite beats me. Ha! the many nice
little things she'd simmer up for you--and I can't do it; the
children, you know it, Caudle, take so much of my time. I can't do
it, love; and I often reproach myself that I can't. Now, you shan't
go to sleep, Caudle; at least not for five minutes. You must hear
me.
"I've been thinking, dearest--ha! that nasty cough, love!--I've been
thinking, darling, if we could only persuade dear mother to come and
live with us. Now, Caudle, you can't be asleep; it's impossible--you
were coughing only this minute--yes, to live with us. What a
treasure we should have in her! Then, Caudle, you never need go to
bed without something nice and hot. And you want it, Caudle.
"YOU DON'T WANT IT?
"Nonsense, you do; for you're not strong, Caudle; you know you're
not.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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