Mrs. Caudle's Curtain LecturesJerrold, Douglas William
General
Mrs. Caudle's Curtain Lectures
Jerrold, Douglas William
English wit and humor; Marriage -- Humor
"You ought to be very rich, Mr. Caudle. I wonder who'd lend you five
pounds? But so it is: a wife may work and may slave! Ha, dear! the
many things that might have been done with five pounds. As if people
picked up money in the street! But you always were a fool, Mr.
Caudle! I've wanted a black satin gown these three years, and that
five pounds would have entirely bought it. But it's no matter how I
go,--not at all. Everybody says I don't dress as becomes your wife--
and I don't; but what's that to you, Mr. Caudle? Nothing. Oh, no!
you can have fine feelings for everybody but those belonging to you.
I wish people knew you, as I do--that's all. You like to be called
liberal--and your poor family pays for it.
"All the girls want bonnets, and where they're to come from I can't
tell. Half five pounds would have bought 'em--but now they must go
without. Of course, THEY belong to you: and anybody but your own
flesh and body, Mr. Caudle!
"The man called for the water-rate to-day; but I should like to know
how people are to pay taxes, who throw away five pounds to every
fellow that asks them?
"Perhaps you don't know that Jack, this morning, knocked his
shuttlecock through his bedroom window. I was going to send for the
glazier to mend it; but after you lent that five pounds I was sure we
couldn't afford it. Oh, no! the window must go as it is; and pretty
weather for a dear child to sleep with a broken window. He's got a
cold already on his lungs, and I shouldn't at all wonder if that
broken window settled him. If the dear boy dies, his death will be
upon his father's head; for I'm sure we can't now pay to mend
windows. We might though, and do a good many more things too, if
people didn't throw away their five pounds.
"Next Tuesday the fire-insurance is due. I should like to know how
it's to be paid? Why, it can't be paid at all! That five pounds
would have more than done it--and now, insurance is out of the
question. And there never were so many fires as there are now. I
shall never close my eyes all night,--but what's that to you, so
people can call you liberal, Mr. Caudle? Your wife and children may
all be burnt alive in their beds--as all of us to a certainty shall
be, for the insurance MUST drop. And after we've insured for so many
years! But how, I should like to know, are people to insure who make
ducks and drakes of their five pounds?
"I did think we might go to Margate this summer. There's poor little
Caroline, I'm sure she wants the sea. But no, dear creature! she
must stop at home--all of us must stop at home--she'll go into a
consumption, there's no doubt of that; yes--sweet little angel!--I've
made up my mind to lose her, NOW. The child might have been saved;
but people can't save their children and throw away their five pounds
too.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account