Mrs. Caudle's Curtain LecturesJerrold, Douglas William
General
Mrs. Caudle's Curtain Lectures
Jerrold, Douglas William
English wit and humor; Marriage -- Humor
"Yes, that's like your feeling, just. I want my salts, and you tell
me there's nothing like being still for a headache. Indeed? But I'm
not going to be still; so don't you think it. That's just how a
woman's put upon. But I know your aggravation--I know your art. You
think to keep me quiet about that minx Kitty,--your favourite, sir!
Upon my life, I'm not to discharge my own servant without--but she
shall go. If I had to do all the work myself, she shouldn't stop
under my roof. I can see how she looks down upon me. I can see a
great deal, Mr. Caudle, that I never choose to open my lips about--
but I can't shut my eyes. Perhaps it would have been better for my
peace and mind if I always could. Don't say that. I'm not a foolish
woman, and I know very well what I'm saying. I suppose you think I
forget THAT Rebecca? I know it's ten years ago that she lived with
us--but what's that to do with it? Things aren't the less true for
being old, I suppose. No; and your conduct, Mr. Caudle, at that
time--if it was a hundred years ago--I should never forget. What?
"I SHALL ALWAYS BE THE SAME SILLY WOMAN?
"I hope I shall--I trust I shall always have my eyes about me in my
own house. Now, don't think of going to sleep, Caudle; because, as
you've brought this up about that Rebecca, you shall hear me out.
Well, I do wonder that you can name her! Eh?
"YOU DIDN'T NAME HER?
"That's nothing at all to do with it; for I know just as well what
you think, as if you did. I suppose you'll say that you didn't drink
a glass of wine to her?
"NEVER?
"So you said at the time, but I've thought of it for ten long years,
and the more I've thought the surer I am of it. And at that very
time--if you please to recollect--at that very time little Jack was a
baby. I shouldn't have so much cared but for that; but he was hardly
running alone, when you nodded and drank a glass of wine to that
creature. No; I'm not mad, and I'm not dreaming. I saw how you did
it,--and the hypocrisy made it worse and worse. I saw you when the
creature was just behind my chair; you took up a glass of wine, and
saying to me, 'Margaret,' and then lifting up your eyes at the bold
minx, and saying 'my dear,' as if you wanted me to believe that you
spoke only to me, when I could see you laugh at her behind me. And
at that time little Jack wasn't on his feet. What do you say?
"HEAVEN FORGIVE ME?
"Ha! Mr. Caudle, it's you that ought to ask for that: I'm safe
enough, I am: it's you who should ask to be forgiven.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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