Mrs. Dot: A FarceMaugham, W. Somerset (William Somerset)
General
Mrs. Dot: A Farce
Maugham, W. Somerset (William Somerset)
English drama -- 20th century; Triangles (Interpersonal relations) -- Drama; Widows -- Drama
Good-bye, old man, I’m sorry your cousin has had such an awful death.
But after all, we none of us knew him and we do know you. I can’t tell
you how glad I am that all your difficulties are at an end.
GERALD.
I would give my right hand to bring Hollington back to life again.
BLENKINSOP.
Good-bye.
[_He goes out._
MRS. DOT.
Go away, Freddie. I want to talk to Gerald.
FREDDIE.
Good-bye, old man. I say, what a nice girl Miss Sellenger is!
GERALD.
Good-bye.
[FREDDIE _goes out_.
MRS. DOT.
Well?
GERALD.
The news has come just an hour too soon. It’s bound me hand and foot.
MRS. DOT.
What d’you mean by that?
GERALD.
Nellie accepted me when I was poor and of no account. Now that I’m well
off I can’t go to her and say: I’ve changed my mind and don’t want to
marry you.
MRS. DOT.
What d’you mean by being well off?
GERALD.
I believe I shall have six or seven thousand a year.
MRS. DOT.
But you can’t live on that. It’s absurd.
GERALD.
[_With a smile._] There are people who live on much less, you know.
MRS. DOT.
Besides, she doesn’t care for you in the least. I could see that at a
glance.
GERALD.
How?
MRS. DOT.
A girl who loved you wouldn’t have a skirt cut like that.
GERALD.
I can’t draw back now, Dot. You must see that I can’t.
MRS. DOT.
If you cared for me, you’d easily find some way out of the difficulty.
GERALD.
I must be honest, Dot.... I don’t want to seem a snob, but I’ve got an
ancient name, and it’s rather honourable. I’m by way of being the head
of the family now. I don’t want to begin by acting like a cad.
MRS. DOT.
You know, I’m much nicer than Nellie. I’m more amusing, and I’m better
dressed, and I’ve got five motor cars. It’s true she’s younger than I
am, but I don’t feel a day more than seventeen. [_With a little look at
him._] And if you had any sense of decency at all you’d say I looked it.
You said you loved me just now. Say it again, Gerald. It’s so good to
hear.
GERALD.
I don’t see how we can help ourselves.
MRS. DOT.
[_Beginning to lose her temper._] I suppose you just want to finish an
awkward scene? I don’t want to harrow you. Why don’t you go to the War
Office?
GERALD.
You must see it’s not my fault. If we must part, let us part friends.
MRS. DOT.
Now, I declare he wants to sentimentalise. Isn’t it enough that you’ve
made me frightfully unhappy? D’you want me to say it doesn’t matter at
all, as if you’d spilt a cup of tea on me? D’you think I like being
utterly wretched?
GERALD.
For heaven’s sake, don’t talk like that. You’re tearing my heart to
pieces.
MRS. DOT.
_Your_ heart? I should like to bang it on the floor and stamp on it. You
must expect to suffer a little. You can’t put it all on me.
GERALD.
I don’t want you to suffer.
MRS. DOT.
[_In a temper._] You were willing enough to marry me when you hadn’t got
sixpence to bless yourself with. How fortunate your cousin didn’t die a
week later!
GERALD.
Do you think I was proposing to marry you for your money?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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