No words, then, can give an exact picture of these things, but they may help to give colour to your impressions. Heaven forbid that, by telling the horrors of war, the writers of books should make pessimists of those at home! Heaven forbid that they should belittle the dangers and hardships, and so take away some of the glory due to "Tommy" for all he has suffered for the Motherland! There is a happy mean--the men at the front have found it; they know that death is near, but they can still laugh and sing. In these sketches and stories I have tried, with but little success, to keep that happy mean in view. If the pictures are very feeble in design when compared to the many other, and far better, works on the same subject, remember, reader, that the intention is good, and accept this apology for wasting your time. A few of these sketches and articles have already appeared elsewhere. My best thanks are due to the Editors of the _Daily Mail_ and the _Daily Mirror_ for their kind permission to include several sketches which appeared, in condensed forms, in their papers. I am also grateful to the Editor of Cassell's _Storyteller_ for his permission to reproduce "The Knut," which first saw print in that periodical. VERNON BARTLETT. CONTENTS PAGE APOLOGIA 11 I. IN HOSPITAL 19 II. A RECIPE FOR GENERALS 31 III. MUD 37 IV. THE SURPRISE ATTACK 43 V. "PONGO" SIMPSON ON BOMBS 51 VI. THE SCHOOLMASTER OF PONT SAVERNE 57 VII. THE ODD JOBS 67 VIII. THE "KNUT" 71 IX. SHOPPING 79 X. THE LIAR 87 XI. THE CITY OF TRAGEDY 93 XII. "PONGO" SIMPSON ON GRUMBLER 105 XIII. THE CONVERT 110 XIV. DAVID AND JONATHAN 114 XV. THE RUM JAR 122 XVI. THE TEA SHOP 128 XVII. "HERE COMES THE GENERAL" 133 XVIII. THE RASCAL IN WAR 137 XIX. "PONGO" SIMPSON ON OFFICERS 141 XX. THE HAND OF SHADOW 146 XXI. THE VETERAN 152 XXII. THE SING-SONG 156 XXIII. THE "STRAFE" THAT FAILED 161 XXIV. THE NIGHTLY ROUND 166 XXV. JOHN WILLIAMS, TRAMP AND SOLDIER 171 XXVI. THE CLEARING HOUSE 178 MUD AND KHAKI I IN HOSPITAL