My Lady Nicotine: A Study in SmokeBarrie, J. M. (James Matthew)
General
My Lady Nicotine: A Study in Smoke
Barrie, J. M. (James Matthew)
Smoking -- Anecdotes; Tobacco -- Anecdotes; Wit and humor, Pictorial
the help of a note-book, of course, I guarded myself against paying this
very neat compliment to any person more than once. However, after I
smoked the Arcadia the desire to pay ladies compliments went from me.
Journeying back into the past, I come to a time when my pipe had a
mouth-piece of fine amber. The bowl and the rest of the stem were of
brier, but it was a gentlemanly pipe, without silver mountings. Such
tobacco I revelled in as may have filled the pouch of Pan as he lay
smoking on the mountain-sides. Once I saw a beautiful woman with
brown hair, in and out of which the rays of a morning sun played
hide-and-seek, that might not unworthily have been compared to it.
Beguiled by the exquisite Arcadia, the days and the years passed from me
in delicate rings of smoke, and I contentedly watched them sailing to
the skies. How continuous was the line of those lovely circles, and how
straight! One could have passed an iron rod through them from end to
end. But one day I had a harsh awakening. I bit the amber mouth-piece
of my pipe through, and life was never the same again.
It is strange how attached we become to old friends, though they be but
inanimate objects. The old pipe put aside, I turned to a meerschaum,
which had been presented to me years before, with the caution that I
must not smoke it unless I wore kid gloves. There was no savor in that
pipe for me. I tried another brier, and it made me unhappy. Clays would
not keep in with me. It seemed as if they knew I was hankering after the
old pipe, and went out in disgust. Then I got a new amber mouth-piece
for my first love. In a week I had bitten that through too, and in an
over-anxious attempt to file off the ragged edges I broke the screw.
Moralists have said that the smoker who has no thought but for his pipe
never breaks it; that it is he only who while smoking concentrates his
mind on some less worthy object that sends his teeth through the amber.
This may be so; for I am a philosopher, and when working out new
theories I may have been careless even of that which inspired them most.
After this second accident nothing went well with me or with my pipe.
I took the mouthpieces out of other pipes and fixed them on to the
Mermaid. In a little while one of them became too wide; another broke as
I was screwing it more firmly in. Then the bowl cracked at the rim and
split at the bottom. This was an annoyance until I found out what was
wrong and plugged up the fissures with sealing-wax. The wax melted and
dropped upon my clothes after a time; but it was easily renewed.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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