“Two jets of blood were now spurting like two faucets from
my leg, the big artery was cut. _Ça y est._ In five minutes
I’ll be dead, I thought, and there came a fainting away and a
thinking not on God, but on still untasted joys of the flesh
and life—not even on my mother’s grief; and waking up after
years, it seemed, and calling for water, and Dueso bending
over me, after a frantic twisting at his _cravate_, and a
frantic pulling and tightening of it about my leg, with one
hand and his teeth, and then a pleasant, happy fainting away. A
delicious sensation of ease invaded me, and I said to myself,
‘_Ce n’est que ça, mourir?_’ (‘Is death only this?’) I have
seen so many men die, and whatever their agonies, if long or
short, minutes or hours or days, as it may happen, just before
dying something gentle and simple takes place.”
E. O’S.—“The inevitable dust to dust, the natural law
fulfilling itself?”
De G.—“It may be. This _rictus de la mort_, I haven’t seen it,
though I have heard men screaming and cursing and praying in
the trenches as they got their blow, and watched their agonies,
but before death something else, softer, always happens. Unless
it comes too suddenly. I remember once being on the dunes in
Belgium, and against the yellow sand men were sitting in red
trousers and _chechias_, and one was telling a tale of laughter
when a shell burst. In a moment the blood of his brains was
flowing red upon the yellow sand, and then it got blue, and
then it sank and was no more, like the laughing man himself
from whom it flowed, and his tale of laughter.... About nine
o’clock we were brought in. Dueso had been lying with his head
under my armpit, and his feet still on the dead man, and we
would both come out of a faint from time to time and ask for
water.
“Dueso! ah, Dueso! for a human being _il est plus chic que
moi_. He had been in jail for various reasons not very _chic_,
and I was warned against him when I took him for my orderly,
but to him I owe my life. Now he is in Salonique, _cité à
l’armée_, knows how to live in those regions, hard as nails,
originally from Tunis; a dark man, with dark mustache and very
big white teeth.”
E. O’S.—“One thinks so often how little the common soldier,
defending honors and riches that he doesn’t share, has to gain.
There is nothing for him, in fact, except to step out into
anonymous death; at a given moment to make the sacrifice of his
life, or his eyes or his limbs, knowing nothing of war except
its horror, rarely any glory, sometimes a mention or a medal,
oftener not. But,” I continued, after we had sat silent for a
while, “who will carry it all on? Few like yourself are left,
and it is not enough. France is bleeding white—France, whose
sons are heroes, not fathers!”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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