My Memoirs, Vol. III, 1826 to 1830Dumas, Alexandre
General
My Memoirs, Vol. III, 1826 to 1830
Dumas, Alexandre
Dumas, Alexandre, 1802-1870
fear of selling our souls, and we remained in our miserable state of
poverty, which grew worse and worse as the months passed by, leaving an
impression of unhappiness on me which has never been obliterated. My
mother was brave and daring, and she made up her mind to go to America
to look for a wealthy relative there, in the hope of re-establishing
the fortunes of her family. Her four children shuddered at the prospect
of the voyage, so she only took me with her. I was willing enough to
go with her, but the sacrifice cost me all my lightness of heart, for
I worshipped my father as one worships God Himself. That long journey,
the seaports, the great ocean filled me with terror, and I sheltered
against my mother's garments as my only harbour of refuge. When we
reached America, my mother found her cousin a widow, driven from her
estate by the negroes. The colony had risen in revolt, and the yellow
fever was raging in all its horror. Awakened thus rudely from her
cherished dream, she could not bear up under the fresh blow that had
overtaken us. It killed her, and she died at the age of forty-one. I
nearly died by her side when they took me in my mourning dress from the
rapidly depopulating isle and shipped me from vessel to vessel, until
I was restored again to my relatives, who were now poorer than ever.
Then it was that the theatre offered us a harbour of refuge. I was
taught to sing; I tried hard to recover my cheerfulness of disposition
but it was of no use; I managed better in melancholy or passion-fraught
parts. That is practically the whole of my life-story. I was taken on
at the Théâtre Feydeau, and everybody predicted a brilliant future
before me. I was made a member before I was sixteen, without either
hoping or asking for it; but at that time my insignificant part only
brought me in eighty francs per month, and the poverty with which I
struggled passes description. I was obliged to sacrifice the future for
the sake of the present, and for my father's sake I returned to the
provinces. At twenty, a great sorrow compelled me to give up singing.
The very sound of my voice would set me weeping; but the music still
rang in my unhappy head, and the measured rhythms unwittingly forced my
thoughts to keep pace with them. I felt compelled to commit my fevered
ideas to paper, and when it was done I was told I had written an
elegy. M. Alibert, who looked after my very frail health, recommended
me to write as a curative, for he knew nought else that would be of
any avail. I followed his advice without any knowledge or study of my
subject. And this gave me much extra trouble, because I could never
find the right words to express my thoughts. My first volume was
published in 1822. You asked, dear friend, how I came to be a poet. I
can only answer you by telling you how I came to write."
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