The Havelot estate, which adjoined mine, was a very large one,
containing hundreds and hundreds of acres; and the Havelots were rich,
rich enough to frighten any poor young man of marrying intent. But I
did not appreciate the fact that I was a poor young man. I had never
troubled my head about money as it regarded myself, and I now did not
trouble my head about it as it regarded Agnes. I loved her, I hoped she
loved me, and all other considerations were thrown aside. Mr. Havelot,
however, was a man of a different way of thinking.
It was a little time before I became convinced that the decision of
Agnes's father, that there should be no communication between that dear
girl and myself, really meant anything. I had never been subjected to
restrictions, and I did not understand how people of spirit could submit
to them; but I was made to understand it when Mr. Havelot, finding me
wandering about his grounds, very forcibly assured me that if I should
make my appearance there again, or if he discovered any attempt on my
part to communicate with his daughter in any way, he would send her from
home. He concluded the very brief interview by stating that if I had any
real regard for his daughter's happiness I would cease attentions which
would meet with the most decided disapprobation from her only surviving
parent and which would result in exiling her from home, I begged for one
more interview with Miss Havelot, and if it had been granted I should
have assured her of the state of my affections, no matter if there were
reasons to suppose that I would never see her again; but her father very
sternly forbade anything of the kind, and I went away crushed.
It was a very hard case, for if I played the part of a bold lover and
tried to see Agnes without regard to the wicked orders of her father,
I should certainly be discovered; and then it would be not only myself,
but the poor girl, who would suffer. So I determined that I would submit
to the Havelot decree. No matter if I never saw her again, never heard
the sound of her voice, it would be better to have her near me, to have
her breathe the same air, cast up her eyes at the same sky, listen to
the same birds, that I breathed, looked at and listened to, than to have
her far away, probably in Kentucky, where I knew she had relatives,
and where the grass was blue and the sky probably green, or at any
rate would appear so to her if in the least degree she felt as I did in
regard to the ties of home and the affinities between the sexes.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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