He makes no answer, but, lifting his hat, begins to walk quickly away.
For a hundred yards I allow him to go unrecalled; then, as I note his
quickly-diminishing figure and the heavy mists beginning to fold him, my
resolution fails me; I take to my heels and scamper after him.
"Stop!" say I, panting as I come up with him, "I dare say--perhaps--you
_thought_ you were speaking truth!--there must, must be some _mistake_!"
He does not answer, but still walks quickly on.
"Tell me!" cry I, posting on alongside of him, breathless and
distressed--"when was it? where did you hear it? how long ago?"
"I never heard it?"
"Yes, you did," cry I, passionately, asseverating what I have so lately
and passionately denied. "You know you did; but when was it? how was it?
where was it?"
"It was _nowhere_," he answers with a cold, angry smile. "I was _drawing
the long bow_!"
I stop in baffled rage and misery. I stand stock-still, with the long,
dying grass wetly and limply clasping my ankles. To my surprise he stops
too.
"I wish you were _dead_!" I say tersely, and it is not a figure of
speech. For the moment I do honestly wish it.
"Do you?" he answers, throwing me back a look of hardly inferior
animosity; "I dare say I do not much mind." A little pause, during which
we eye each other, like two fighting-cocks. "Even if I _were_ dead," he
says, in a low voice--"mind, I do not blame you for wishing
it--sometimes I wish it myself--but even if I _were_, I do not see how
that would hinder Sir Roger and Mrs. Huntley from corresponding."
"They _do not_ correspond," cry I, violently; "it is a falsehood!" Then,
with a quick change of thought and tone: "But if they do, I--I--do not
mind! I--I--am very glad--if Roger likes it! There is no harm in it."
"Not the slightest."
"Do you _always_ stay at home?" cry I, in a fury, goaded out of all
politeness and reserve by the surface false acquiescence of his tone;
"do you _never_ go away? I _wish_ you would! I wish"--(speaking between
laughing and crying)--"that you could take your abbey up on your back,
as a snail does its shell, and march off with it into another county."
"But unfortunately I cannot."
"What have I done to you?" I cry, falling from anger to reproach, "that
you take such delight in hurting me? You can be pleasant enough to--to
other people. I never hear you hinting and sneering away any one else's
peace of mind; but as for me, I never--_never_ am alone with you
that you do not leave me with a pain--a tedious long ache
_here_"--(passionately clasping my hands upon my heart).
"Do not I?"--(Then half turning away in a lowered voice)--"_nor you
me_!"
"_I!_" repeat I, positively laughing in my scorn of this accusation.
"_I_ hint! _I_ imply! why, I _could_ not do it, if I were to be shot for
it! it is not _in_ me!"
He does not immediately answer; still, he is looking aside, and his
color changes.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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