Paul was amused. "Jealous, am I!" He would not show the child his
vexation with her. All at once he was disconcerted to realize that he
had become very depressed. He pitied himself. He watched May's legs as
she stretched them stiffly before her, thin little legs. Her high shoes
were loosely laced and the tops bulged away from her ankles. Sweet. He
reached and took her hand. Cold little hand! May, too embarrassed to
take notice of his gesture, let him hold it. He thought she was sweet.
He might like to kiss her--maybe. Not now. He could not bear to be as
young as she was. While he held her hand it came over him that there was
something dark and sickly in himself. He was vain that she could not
understand it. Rotten. She's a kid. He tried not to recognize his pride
in finding himself impure. He was fed up with everything. Hell!
As the sun disappeared the world grew suddenly bright, and long red rays
striped the tree trunks and the grass, endless rays reaching softly out
of the gorgeous welter in the western sky. The water twinkled fixedly.
The green grass was like mist over the fields.
Paul became abruptly agitated. "Better go home, hadn't we?"
May glanced at him furtively. His eyes made her unhappy. "I suppose we
had."
They got up awkwardly. When they were standing he let her hand drop as
if it had been nothing. She walked before him, a little girl in a short
dress with a soft braid of hair hanging under a red cap.
"You don't look fifteen, May."
"Don't I?"
He tried to catch up with her. He wondered what he was afraid of. Her
voice had a smothered sound, almost like a sob. She did not look back.
It was nearly night now. The sky without the sun was a dark burning
blue. A strange cloud floated white above the black trees.
Paul was suddenly happy and excited. When I get home--Uncle Alph--that
old fool. Aunt Susie. They were married. What did that ever mean!
Purification by fire is all that's good enough for people like that. A
sin to get married at all. If I thought people's bodies were like that!
Paul wondered to himself if he were mad. It hurt to think through
things. People went on living in their filthy world. Thick stockings
were ugly. May's legs. Thin little legs in ugly stockings. Why doesn't
she shine her shoes! Little rag picker! "Did you know that you were an
untidy person, May?" he called. As she looked back over her shoulder he
could feel her smile. Her vague face stared pale at him down the path.
The moon was floating out from the trees, pale moon like a face. Thin
light stole silver along the branches high up. Little moon, said Paul to
himself, staring at May's face and smiling. He felt ill, foolishly,
pleasantly ill.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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