When she went into the dining room she found the table laid, and the
knives and forks on the vague white cloth were rich with the purplish
luster of the twilight. The white plates looked secret with reflections.
Beyond the table, through the French windows, she could see the darkness
that was in the back yard close to the earth, but above the high wall
at the end was the brilliant empty sky. The base of the elm tree was in
the shadow. The top, with its new buds, glistened stiffly.
She passed into the clean narrow kitchen. She had planned white sinks
and cupboards when she and her husband, Laurence Farley, were directing
the renovation of the place. Julia loved the annihilating quality of
whiteness.
Old Nellie, standing before the stove, glanced impassively at her
mistress.
"Dinner time, Nellie?" Julia wondered what was in the old woman's mind,
what made her so strong in her reticence that everything about her
seemed carved from her own will. The long strong arms moved stiffly in
the black sleeves. The ungainly hands moved heavily and surely.
"Reckon 'tis, Miss Julia." Nellie mumbled with her cracked purplish
lips. When she smiled her brown face remained cold. She wore a wig of
straight black hair, but baldish patches of gray wool showed under the
edges against the rich dry color of her neck. Her shoulders were rounded
as if by the weight of her arms. Her breasts fell forward. When she
moved, her spine remained rigid above the sunken hips of a thin old
savage woman. Her buttocks dragged. She was bent with strength.
Julia was all at once afraid of her servant. "I must find my children."
She moved toward the door, smiling over her shoulder. Nellie's reserve
seemed to demand a recognition. Julia wanted to get away from it.
She went on to her sitting room. The door was ajar. Fifteen-year-old May
was there with her boy friend, Paul. As Julia entered Paul rose clumsily
and May leaned forward in her chair.
Paul, irritated by the sight of Julia's radiance, was gloomy. He was
aware of May, young and awkward, a part of his own youth. May's presence
exposed a part of him and made him feel cowed and soiled.
"Paul's still talking about Bernard Shaw, Aunt Julia." May was glad
"Aunt" Julia had come. When May was alone with Paul he expected things
of her that she could not give. He would not allow her to be close to
him. He required that she pass a test of mental understanding. She liked
him best when others were present. Then she could warm herself timidly
and secretly in a knowledge of him that she could never utter.
Julia laughed affectionately. "Aren't you weary of such serious
subjects, Paul?" She felt that she saw the two from some distance inside
herself. She saw herself, beautiful and remote before Paul, and him
loving her. They loved the same thing. It filled her with tenderness.
He's a child! She felt guilty in her recognition of his youth.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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