Narrative and Miscellaneous PapersDe Quincey, Thomas
General
Narrative and Miscellaneous Papers
De Quincey, Thomas
English essays; English fiction
Slowly did I and Hannah retrace our steps. Hannah sustained, in the tone
of her spirits, by the extremity of her anger, a mood of feeling which
I did not share. Indignation was to her in the stead of consolation and
hope. I, for my part, could not seek even a momentary shelter from my
tempestuous affliction in that temper of mind. The man who could accuse
my Agnes, and accuse her of such a crime, I felt to be a monster; and
in my thoughts he was already doomed to a bloody atonement (atonement!
alas! what atonement!) whenever the time arrived that _her_ cause would
not be prejudiced, or the current of public feeling made to turn in his
favor by investing him with the semblance of an injured or suffering
person. So much was settled in my thoughts with the stern serenity of a
decree issuing from a judgment-seat. But that gave no relief, no shadow
of relief, to the misery which was now consuming me. Here was an end, in
one hour, to the happiness of a life. In one hour it had given way, root
and branch--had melted like so much frost-work, or a pageant of vapory
exhalations. In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, and yet for ever
and ever, I comprehended the total ruin of my situation. The case, as
others might think, was yet in suspense; and there was room enough for
very rational hopes, especially where there was an absolute certainty of
innocence. Total freedom from all doubt on that point seemed to justify
almost more than hopes. This might be said, and most people would have
been more or less consoled by it. I was not. I felt as certain, as
irredeemably, as hopelessly certain of the final results as though I
had seen the record in the books of Heaven. 'Hope nothing,' I said to
myself; 'think not of hope in this world, but think only how best to
walk steadily, and not to reel like a creature wanting discourse of
reason, or incapable of religious hopes under the burden which it has
pleased God to impose, and which in this life cannot be shaken off. The
countenance of man is made to look upward and to the skies. Thither also
point henceforwards your heart and your thoughts. Never again let your
thoughts travel earthwards. Settle them on the heavens, to which your
Agnes is already summoned. The call is clear, and not to be mistaken.
Little in _her_ fate now depends upon you, or upon anything that man
can do. Look, therefore, to yourself; see that you make not shipwreck
of your heavenly freight because your earthly freight is lost; and miss
not, by any acts of wild and presumptuous despair, that final reunion
with your Agnes, which can only be descried through vistas that open
through the heavens.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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