Narrative and Miscellaneous PapersDe Quincey, Thomas
General
Narrative and Miscellaneous Papers
De Quincey, Thomas
English essays; English fiction
He had probably--and this was, indeed, subsequently
ascertained--at first, and for some time afterwards, mistaken her rank,
and had addressed some proposals to her, which, from the suppressed
tone of his speaking, or from her own terror and surprise, she had not
clearly understood; but enough had reached her alarmed ear to satisfy
her that they were of a nature in the last degree licentious and
insulting. Terrified and shocked rather than indignant, for she too
easily presumed the man to be a maniac, she hurried homewards; and was
rejoiced, on first venturing to look round when close to her own gate,
to perceive that the man was not following. There, however, she was
mistaken; for either on this occasion, or on some other, he had traced
her homewards. The last of these rencontres had occurred just three
months before the fatal 6th of April; and if, in any one instance, Agnes
had departed from the strict line of her duty as a wife, or had shown
a defect of judgment, it was at this point--in not having frankly and
fully reported the circumstances to me. On the last of these occasions
I had met her at the garden-gate, and had particularly remarked that she
seemed agitated; and now, at recalling these incidents, Agnes reminded
me that I had noticed that circumstance to herself, and that she had
answered me faithfully as to the main fact. It was true she had done so;
for she had said that she had just met a lunatic who had alarmed her
by fixing his attention upon herself, and speaking to her in a ruffian
manner; and it was also true that she did sincerely regard him in that
light. This led me at the time to construe the whole affair into a
casual collision with some poor maniac escaping from his keepers, and of
no future moment, having passed by without present consequences. But had
she, instead of thus reporting her own erroneous impression, reported
the entire circumstances of the case, I should have given them a
very different interpretation. Affection for me, and fear to throw me
needlessly into a quarrel with a man of apparently brutal and violent
nature--these considerations, as too often they do with the most upright
wives, had operated to check Agnes in the perfect sincerity of her
communications. She had told nothing _but_ the truth--only, and fatally
it turned out for us both, she had not told the _whole_ truth. The very
suppression, to which she had reconciled herself, under the belief that
thus she was providing for my safety and her own consequent happiness,
had been the indirect occasion of ruin to both. It was impossible to
show displeasure under such circumstances, or under any circumstances,
to one whose self-reproaches were at any rate too bitter; but certainly,
as a general rule, every conscientious woman should resolve to consider
her husband's honor in the first case, and far before all other regards
whatsoever; to make this the first, the second, the third law of her
conduct, and his personal safety but the fourth or fifth.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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