Narrative and Miscellaneous PapersDe Quincey, Thomas
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Narrative and Miscellaneous Papers
De Quincey, Thomas
English essays; English fiction
Such, also, had been the offence of Kate; such, also was the punishment
that now is dogging her steps. She, like the mariner, had slain the one
sole creature that loved her upon the whole wide earth; she, like the
mariner, for this offence, had been hunted into frost and snow--very
soon will be hunted into delirium; and from _that_ (if she escapes with
life) will be hunted into the trouble of a heart that cannot rest.
There was the excuse of one darkness for _her_; there was the excuse of
another darkness for the mariner. But, with all the excuses that earth,
and the darkness of earth, can furnish, bitter it would be for you or
me, reader, through every hour of life, waking or dreaming, to look back
upon one fatal moment when we had pierced the heart that would have died
for us. In this only the darkness had been merciful to Kate--that it had
hidden for ever from her victim the hand that slew him. But now in such
utter solitude, her thoughts ran back to their earliest interview. She
remembered with anguish, how, on first touching the shores of America,
almost the very first word that met her ear had been from _him_, the
brother whom she had killed, about the 'Pussy' of times long past; how
the gallant young man had hung upon her words, as in her native Basque
she described her own mischievous little self, of twelve years back; how
his color went and came, whilst his loving memory of the little sister
was revived by her own descriptive traits, giving back, as in a mirror,
the fawn-like grace, the squirrel-like restlessness, that once had
kindled his own delighted laughter; how he would take no denial, but
showed on the spot, that, simply to have touched--to have kissed--to
have played with the little wild thing, that glorified, by her
innocence, the gloom of St. Sebastian's cloisters, gave a _right_ to his
hospitality; how, through _him_ only, she had found a welcome in camps;
how, through _him_, she had found the avenue to honor and distinction.
And yet this brother, so loving and generous, it was that she had
dismissed from life. She paused; she turned round, as if looking back
for his grave; she saw the dreadful wildernesses of snow which already
she had traversed.
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