Narrative of a Private Soldier in His Majesty's 92d Regiment of FootBillany, George
History
Narrative of a Private Soldier in His Majesty's 92d Regiment of Foot
Billany, George
Great Britain -- History, Military -- 1789-1820; Soldiers -- Biography; Soldiers -- Religious life
not think he gave a sound view of some Scripture texts, perfection was
the thing I was striving to obtain; a perfect obedience to the divine
law was what I had set out to accomplish; and the following lines of one
of Mr. Wesley's hymns, were, for a time, very frequent in my mouth, and
repeated in secret prayer to God;
O grant that nothing in my heart
May dwell, but thy pure love alone;
and I resolved that my life should be one scene of devotion and of
gratitude to God. I continued to go on pretty smoothly for about six
weeks, and I thought I had got the better of sinful inclinations; but
when I fancied I was strong, I soon had reason to be convinced that I
was weak, had I only been willing to learn; for I again fell into some
sins, which I had flattered myself I should never more be guilty of; and
this broke my peace of mind, and blasted all my hopes. I however found
means to heal the sore again, after having undergone considerable pain
of mind. I again set out by repenting, and trusting in the mercy of God,
and resolving on future obedience; but my conduct was not regular, and
secret sins, which lay at times very heavy upon my conscience, would
overcome me, although I strove against them with all my might.
I continued to attend the various meetings, public and private, amongst
the Methodists, while we lay in Athlone. My attendance among them was
certainly of great benefit to me, in leading to a train of experience,
that materially contributed to make me acquainted with the deep
deceitfulness of my own heart. I was indeed slow to learn; but what took
place with me at that time, afforded matter for reflection afterwards. I
think upon it still, and see great reason for humility on account of my
blindness, in not seeing while I was there, that I was without strength
and without righteousness, without Christ, and without hope, I can not
tell how far the gospel was set before me by the Methodists; but I am
pretty certain, from some expressions that I have still a faint
recollection of, that Christ was set before me in a much clearer light
than I at that time apprehended him; I had, all the time I was there,
continued in a course of sinning and repenting, making resolutions and
breaking them; and, although I suffered great pain of conscience, I
succeeded in quieting it by the hope of better success the next time.
When we came to leave the place, I felt that I should not have the same
privilege, of the means of instruction and social worship, at least for
a while to come; and this gave me less hope of myself, and filled me
with a greater degree of fear, that I should be more liable to be
overcome by temptation, when I should not have the help of the means of
grace.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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