luncheon time; but when I went to my library, I found a packet on my
table which I had not noticed there before. I opened it; it was full of
unpaid bills, all made out to my wife in her maiden name, and most,
indeed nearly all of them, for articles unsuited for female use. A
horrible suspicion flashed across my mind. Could it possibly be that
these were her brother's debts: that he had got these articles in her
name, and had had the bills sent in to her? And could it be that
brother and sister had been in league together, and that he with all his
assumption of openness and candour and large-heartedness, had entrapped
me into this marriage that I might liquidate the debts of an abandoned
and reckless profligate? And could it be, farther, (madden ing
thought!) that the _whole_ extravagance was not his, and that numerous
unpaid accounts for wine and spirits were, partly, for what she had
taken as well as her brother? Then I thought of the scene in the
garden, of the wild laughter, of her sudden disappearance, of the signs
of drinking in the summer-house. Oh! My heart turned sick; was I
tricked, deceived, ruined in my peace for ever? I paced up and down my
library, more like a lunatic than a sane man. Luncheon time came: we
met: she threw herself into my arms, and wept and laughed and implored;
but I felt that a drunkard was embracing me, and I flung her from me,
and rushed out of the house. O misery! Whither should I go, what
should I do? It was all too true: her brother was the basest of men:
she did love _him_, I believe, it was the only unselfish thing about
her. Well, I had to go back home; _home_! Vilest of names to me then!
`home, _bitter_ home!' And yet I loved that poor guilty, fallen
creature. There was a terrible light in her eyes as we sat opposite one
another at dinner. We had to play a part before the footman. Oh! What
a dreadful meal that was! I seemed to be feeding on ashes, and drinking
wormwood. I felt as if every morsel would choke me. We spoke to one
another in measured terms. Would the miserable farce of a dinner never
be over? It came to an end at last. And then she came to me trembling
and penitent, and, laying her head on my shoulder, wept till tears would
fall no longer. She was sober then; she had taken nothing but water at
dinner. She unburdened her heart to me (so I thought), and confessed
all. She told me how she and her brother had been brought up, as
children, in habits of self-indulgence, especially in having free access
to the wine and spirits. She told me that she and her unworthy brother
had been all in all to one another, that gambling and drink had brought
him into difficulties, and that she had allowed him to run up accounts
in her name. She declared that he really loved and valued me, and that
the thought of hurrying on our marriage for any selfish object, was
quite a recent idea, suggested by distress under pecuniary
embarrassment.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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