"MYLO JONES'S WIFE" "Mylo Jones's wife" was all I heerd, mighty near, last Fall-- Visitun relations down T'other side of Morgantown! Mylo Jones's wife she does This and that, and "those" and "thus"!-- Can't 'bide babies in her sight-- Ner no childern, day and night, Whoopin' round the premises-- _Ner no nothin' else_, I guess! Mylo Jones's wife she 'lows She's the boss of her own house!-- Mylo--consequences is-- Stays whare things seem _some_ like _his_,-- Uses, mostly, with the stock-- Coaxin' "Old Kate" not to balk, Ner kick hoss-flies' branes out, ner Act, I s'pose, so much like _her_! Yit the wimmern-folks tells you She's _perfection_.--Yes they do! Mylo's wife she says she's found Home hain't home with _men-folks_ round When they's work like _hern_ to do-- Picklin' pears and _butchern_, too, And a-rendern lard, and then Cookin' fer a pack of men To come trackin' up the flore _She's_ scrubbed _tel_ she'll scrub no _more_!-- Yit she'd keep things clean ef they Made her scrub tel Jedgmunt Day! Mylo Jones's wife she sews Carpet-rags and patches clothes Jest year _in_ and _out_!--and yit Whare's the livin' use of it? She asts Mylo that.--And he Gits back whare he'd ruther be, With his team;--jest _plows_--and don't Never sware--like some folks won't! Think ef _he'd cut loose_, I gum! 'D he'p his heavenly chances some! Mylo's wife don't see no use, Ner no reason ner excuse Fer his pore relations to Hang round like they allus do! Thare 'bout onc't a year--and _she_-- She jest _ga'nts_ 'em, folks tells me, On spiced pears!--Pass Mylo one, He says "No, he don't chuse none!" Workin' men like Mylo they 'D ort to have _meat_ ev'ry day! Dad-burn Mylo Jones's wife! Ruther rake a blame caseknife 'Crost my wizzen than to see Sich a womern rulin' _me_!-- Ruther take and turn in and Raise a fool mule-colt by hand! _Mylo_, though--od-rot the man!-- Jest keeps ca'm--like some folks _can_-- And 'lows sich as her, I s'pose, Is _Man's he'pmeet_!--Mercy knows! ON A SPLENDUD MATCH [On the night of the marraige of the foregoin' couple, which shall be nameless here, these lines was ca'mly dashed off in the albun of the happy bride whilse the shivver-ree was goin' on outside the residence.] He was warned against the _womern_-- She was warned aginst the _man_.-- And ef _that_ won't make a weddin', W'y, they's nothin' else that can! OLD JOHN CLEVENGER ON BUCKEYES