"You travel too far on your flimsy diploma." "Secondly, madam, I would elevate the morals of the race." "Very good, sir. How?" "I would begin by cutting off from society every illegitimate negro child." "You would, in so doing, train your thumb and finger to pinch your own nose." "My mother and father were married, madam." "Your mother and her husband were married." "Madam, I came in the interest of your child's education." "You are a liar from the roots of your hair to your toe-nails. You came to pry into my private life and to take note of my mental stock. You may proceed, sir." "I haven't time to stay." "You have a sufficient supply with which to go." "If you were a lady, I would say prate on." "If you were a merchant, I would say speak tersely, weigh justly, and keep ever in mind a marble monument. "If you were a poet I would say tear out and fling to the crowd as much of your heart as you would have the crowd return. If you were a philosopher I would say weaken not your philosophy with wit, nor weigh down your wit with philosophy. Philosophy and wit are good neighbors, but indifferent twins. Since you are a fool, I will simply say all remedies have failed, and you are happy and safe in your ancient calling." Professor Brandon pulled his mustache a few seconds. He then said: "For your peace of mind, I will go." Rodney entered with a pitcher of water, and Mary with a big black bottle. "Have water, professor?" asked Rodney. Here Mary pretended to drink from the bottle. The professor took the pitcher and poured some of the water into the glass into which the ladies had spat some time before. He held it at some distance from him and said: "Woman's tedious, but pure water is wholesome." "Professor!" roared Rodney's mother. "You are just and polite, at last," calmly observed he. "What's in the glass, sir? Examine the glass." "That is best done in the dish-water." The professor was about to drink it when he saw the spittle. "You did this, boy?" "I was holding Mary's doll, professor," gasped Rodney. "Was it you, girl?" "I was holding Rodney's cat and your big black bottle, professor," slyly replied Mary. "You, madam?" "Be calm, professor. That is the compliments of your fine ladies, without whom schoolteaching would be unbearable." "They spat into this glass?" "No, professor," retorted Mary. "Rodney said they puked into it." "They had a mighty big stomach full of corn, anyway," put in Rodney. The professor dropped the glass and stepped out of the door, seemingly very uneasy about the stomach. "Professor," called Rodney's mother. He stopped and grunted. "Your attitude is undignified, sir." He started to answer, but his mouth was too full. Rodney's mother walked to the door backwards and closed it. "You did that, Mary," said Rodney. "How?" retorted Mary. "I didn't say they puked into the glass. I said they spat into it." "It's all one, Master Rodney, and give me my doll." "I won't. Give me my cat."