Not so fast please!—Who’s writing this History anyway? * * * * * ’Twas the night before Christmas And in the White House Not a creature was stirring Not even a * * * * * For the benefit of the clever reader who may have guessed the word left out in the last line of the above quatrain, I will explain that the asterisks are used in obedience to a clause of the Ninety-first Amendment prohibiting, both in speech and print, the use of the word * * * * * which, as the political emblem of the Free People’s Party (now happily defunct), came into such contempt that it was made a misdemeanor “_to print, publish, own, sell, purchase, or consult any book, pamphlet, catalogue, circular, or dictionary containing the word * * * * *_” It has been estimated that over eighty million dollars’ worth of Century and Standard dictionaries were destroyed in the first year of this Amendment’s operation. The loss in Nursery Rhymes, children’s books, and Natural Histories is beyond computation. But to return to the White House. President John Quincy Epstein had retired to his study on the second floor shortly before midnight, taking with him the engrossed copy of the Hundredth Amendment which now only required his Spencerian signature to expunge the name of Santa Claus forever from the American speech and language as utterly and irrevocably as the forbidden word * * * * *. The hours passed in a perfectly orderly manner, like school children at a fire drill—_one, two, three, four_—without pushing or jostling—_five, six, seven, eight_—(don’t you think history is much more interesting in the form of a simple “Outline” like this than spun out in the common manner?)—_nine, ten_—! At eleven o’clock the door of the President’s study was burst open by the order of the Vice President, Rebecca Crabtree, now, by a sudden and mysterious stroke of Fate, herself become the President of the United States. For John Quincy Epstein was dead. How or just when he died will never be known. Always a cold, forbidding (not to say prohibiting) man, his body when found was still cold—if anything colder; his watch which should have marked the exact moment of his demise, was ticking merrily, so the exact moment will forever remain unrecorded. But Santa Claus still lives and will live forever! On the massive gold-inlaid-with-ivory desk (a Christmas gift from the United Department Stores of America), lay a paper, inscribed, and signed in the President’s handwriting, and sealed with his official seal. It was the presidential veto of the Hundredth Amendment; and by virtue of a clause in Amendment Thirty-three “_no Constitutional Amendment vetoed by the President shall ever be resubmitted to the country nor any fraction thereof_—” Santa Claus will live forever! Hurray for Santa Claus! [Illustration] SAY IT WITH ASTERISKS