“In August I entered the Rest Hospital at Minneapolis and remained
there for a while under the care of Dr. J. I managed to drag along,
terrorized by my condition and by the fact that I could get no
relief.
“The drug habit was my greatest obsession at this time. I used
bromides and chloral hydrate,--changed hypnotics frequently.
“In January, 1919, I saw Dr. P. of Chicago, who sent me to
a sanitarium where I received no help. I then hunted through
magazines for articles on nervous diseases. I read of Dr. S. and
his work and came under his care at Portsmouth in May, 1919. While
there I learned to control my fears. I left Portsmouth in August
feeling sure of myself. I would occasionally have a depression
which would not frighten me and did not remain with me long. I was
looking forward to a happy future.
“During the summer of 1921 I felt tired most of the time. However,
I was still sure of being able to handle myself. One day after
feeling very tired my fear of cancer returned. I got into a panic
and started East to see Dr. S. On arriving in Boston I found he was
in the West. I went to Dr. P.’s office; was sent to Dr. W. and by
him to a psycho-analyst. The psycho-analyst said I had a ‘mother
complex, without usual sexual features.’ Psycho-analysis proved a
failure, and I abandoned the treatment with disgust, as useless and
silly.”
The patient was under my care for five months. He is now back to
his dental work. He writes to me that he is gaining rapidly in
weight, and is in excellent condition.
III
“I am a married woman of fifty-two. All my life I have been
imprisoned in the dungeon keep of fear. Fear paralyzes me in every
effort. If I could once overcome my enemy, I would rejoice forever
more.
“In childhood everything cowered me. I was bred in fear. At five
or six my mother died, and I feared and distrusted a God who would
so intimidate me and bereave me. I heard tales of burglars being
discovered hiding under beds, and a terrified child retired nightly
for years. I was in agony of fears. My fears I never told. Later
I heard of the doctrines of God’s foreknowledge, and, as a little
rebel, I would place dishes on the pantry shelves, changing from
place to place, and then giving up in despair, knowing that if
foreknowledge were true, God knew that I would go through with all
that performance.
“Through childhood I feared suicide. It was a world of escape that
appealed to me and yet appalled me. I also heard of somnambulism,
and I never saw a keen bladed knife, but I dreaded that in my
sleep I might do damage to myself or to my friends in a state of
unconsciousness.
“In my twenties I did attempt suicide a number of times, but
somehow they proved unsuccessful. I always aimed to have it appear
an accident. I dreaded to have my death appear as a stain and
disgrace to my family which I loved.
“I always fear to walk at any height, on a trestle over running
walls, or even to walk on a bridge without side railings.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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