“When a child I learned about testing and omens. If a test comes through in a certain way, it is an omen of good luck, otherwise it means bad luck. This superstitious testing and omens have remained with me, and that in spite of my liberal training and knowledge of the absurdity of such superstitions. I may test by opening the Bible at any page, or I may test by anything that might occur, according to my guesses. All of these fears I know have no meaning for me, they are senseless and absurd, but they are so rooted in my early childhood, they have been so often repeated, they have accumulated round them so much emotion of fear that they come to my mind with a force which is truly irresistible. Many of the fears have multiplied to such an extent that I cannot touch anything without rousing some slumbering fear. “To continue with my fears; I am often afraid that the doors are not well locked, and I must try them over and over again; I go away and come back again, and try and try again, and once more. It is tiresome, but as the fear is constantly with me, and is born again and again, I cannot be satisfied, and must repeat the whole process over and over until I get tired, and give up the whole affair in sheer despair. In such cases a contrary and different fear comes in handy. One devil banishes another. I am afraid that the gas jet is left open, and I must try it over and over, and test the jets with matches. This process of testing may go on endlessly. The fear remains and the process must begin again until it is stopped by sheer effort of will as something meaningless, automatic, and absurd. The performance must be stopped and substituted by something else. “Colds, or attacks of influenza of the mildest character have given rise to fears of pneumonia. Pain in the abdomen, or a little intestinal distress has awakened fears of possible appendicitis, or of tumor, or intestinal obstruction. The least suspicion of blood in the stools awakens the fear of possible cancer. Vomiting or even nausea brings fears of cancer of the stomach. There is no disease from which I have not suffered. “The same fears have naturally been extended to my children, and to all those who are under my care. The least symptom is sufficient to arouse in me fears of possible terror and horrible consequences. “I am afraid that suits may be brought against me, or that some of my own people, patients and even employees whom I discharged, may bring legal action against me in court, or blackmail me. When I leave home, I am afraid that something terrible has happened. The fear of impending evil is always with me. The fears have invaded every part of my being. It seems as if there is no resistance in my mind to those terrible fear states.