“Perhaps it may interest you to know that, although I am quite liberal, and even regarded as irreligious, still I am afraid to express any word against God, Christ, saints, martyrs of any church and denomination, be they Christian, Mohammedan, Buddhist, or pagan. I am afraid lest they may hear me and do me harm; I fear to say a word even against the devil or Satan. I am obsessed by fears. Fears pursue me as long as I am awake, and do not leave me alone in my sleep and dreams. Fears are the curse of my life, and yet I have control of them, none but you has any suspicion of them. I go about my work in a seemingly cheerful and happy way. The fears, however, are the bane of my life, and torture me by their continued presence. “I tried to find whether or not those fears had any relation to my wishes or to my sexual experiences. I must say that I find they bear no relation whatever to wish or sex. My mental states grow on fear, take their origin in fear, and feed on fear. Fear is the seed and the soil of all those infinite individual phobias that keep on torturing me unless opposed by a supreme effort of my will. “Truly the Biblical curse well applies to my life. “‘The Lord will make thy plagues wonderful, and the plagues of thy seed, even great plagues, and of long continuance, and sore sickness, and of long continuance. Moreover, he will bring upon thee all the diseases of Egypt, which thou wast afraid of, and they shall cleave unto thee. And every sickness and every plague, which is not written in the book of this law, them will the law bring upon thee, until thou be destroyed. Thou shalt find no ease, neither shall the sole of thy foot have rest; but the Lord shall give thee a trembling heart, and failing of eyes, and sorrow of mind. And thy life shall hang in doubt before thee, and thou shalt fear day and night and shall have none assurance of thy life. In the morning thou shalt say, Would God it were even! and at even thou shalt say, Would God it were morning! for the fear of thine heart wherewith thou shalt fear....’ “I laid bare my soul before you. I permit you to do with this document whatever you may think fit.” V “I was born of healthy parents; grand-parents were also healthy. All lived to a ripe old age, and died of natural causes. Father is still living; I was a healthy normal child with little sickness up to the age of 16. A few years prior I belonged to a gymnasium and enjoyed superb physical strength and health, though I was from childhood somewhat of a coward. I then became associated with some youngsters who liked night life. This association influenced me to join them in their nightly escapades.