When working on an overaged, rich hag who may be a widow or married to a guy who is happy to find a companion for his ugly wife so he can go stepping too, the "producer" gives out with the woo and ends up with a "backer" for the show he intends to produce, but never gets around to. The initial overhead, meaning himself, always eats up the bank roll. On the other hand, if his backer is a rutty old male, the approach is to get him a girl, then sell the idea that she should be starred. These "producers" live well, often luxuriously, dance and dine at the best and make Palm Beach every winter. But we don't call them gigolos or pimps, because the former work for five dollars an hour and the latter live off five-buck bims. This is big business. THE INTRODUCERS: Hundreds of smart New York articles live and thrive because they manage to know the right people and can introduce you to whomever you want to know--banker, politico, social leader--on 15 minutes' notice. They travel in the best circles, are smooth, suave and likeable. For the proper fee, they'll provide connections with senators, governors or financiers. After that, it's up to you. SHARKS: Don't carry large sums of money with you and don't flash it; don't carry your billfold in your hip pocket; don't give money to touts who promise a "sure thing"; don't play cards or shoot craps with strangers. RETIRING ROOM: We were in Sherm Billingsley's Stork with a curious young lady from Boston, who wanted to know why our washroom was on the main floor, whereas she had to climb a flight. That's simple. Young men don't patronize expensive clubs, so who could expect vets like us or Charlie Chaplin or George Jessel or George Jean Nathan to climb stairs? Whereas the filly is young, healthy and husky. MUZHIKS--How to Spot One: He has a round haircut, a short coat, with or without belt in back, sleeves pressed into a razor-blade crease, carries shiny fountain pens and pencils in the kerchief pocket of his jacket, wears a lodge pin and a vest (which usually doesn't meet his trousers). 32. MIDNIGHT MANNERS Generously built dames should not sit on backless bar stools. Did you ever stand behind one? Did you ever see an Alp? * * * * * When night clubbing, keep your paw off your lady friend's leg. There's a time and place for everything. * * * * * Eating habits and appetites are personal. We snipers should keep our snoots out. But if you are a greenie in Gotham, trying to impress the headwaiter or Follies dollies with sophistication, DO NOT drink your coffee with your meal. Wait until AFTER dessert. DO NOT eat your salad as an appetizer (à la Hollywood) or as a side-dish (à la Chicago). Only between roast and dessert. This is New York. * * * * * Any man who wears white or two-toned shoes for dancing at any place above a coffee-pot should be sentenced to walk back in them to his farm.