Night watches [complete]Jacobs, W. W. (William Wymark)
General
Night watches [complete]
Jacobs, W. W. (William Wymark)
Humorous stories; Short stories
Mrs. Simpson remained silent, and her husband resumed his efforts until
the door-knob, unused to such treatment, came off in his hand. A sudden
scrambling noise on the cellar stairs satisfied the listener that he had
not pulled it off intentionally.
She stood for a few moments, considering. It was a stout door and opened
inwards. She took her bonnet from its nail in the kitchen and, walking
softly to the street-door, set off to lay the case before a brother who
lived a few doors away.
“Poor old Bill,” said Mr. Cooper, when she had finished. “Still, it
might be worse; he's got the barrel o' beer with him.”
“It's not Bill,” said Mrs. Simpson.
Mr. Cooper scratched his whiskers and looked at his wife.
“She ought to know,” said the latter. “We'll come and have a look at
him,” said Mr. Cooper.
Mrs. Simpson pondered, and eyed him dubiously.
“Come in and have a bit of supper,” she said at last. “There's a nice
piece of beef and pickles.”
“And Bill—I mean the stranger—sitting on the beer-barrel,” said Mr.
Cooper, gloomily.
“You can bring your beer with you,” said his sister, sharply. “Come
along.”
Mr. Cooper grinned, and, placing a couple of bottles in his coat
pockets, followed the two ladies to the house. Seated at the kitchen
table, he grinned again, as a persistent drumming took place on the
cellar door. His wife smiled, and a faint, sour attempt in the same
direction appeared on the face of Mrs. Simpson.
“Open the door!” bellowed an indignant voice. “Open the door!”
Mrs. Simpson, commanding silence with an uplifted finger, proceeded to
carve the beef. A rattle of knives and forks succeeded.
“O—pen—the—door!” said the voice again.
“Not so much noise,” commanded Mr. Cooper. “I can't hear myself eat.”
“Bob!” said the voice, in relieved accents, “Bob! Come and let me out.”
Mr. Cooper, putting a huge hand over his mouth, struggled nobly with his
feelings.
“Who are you calling 'Bob'?” he demanded, in an unsteady voice. “You
keep yourself to yourself. I've heard all about you. You've got to stay
there till my brother-in-law comes home.”
“It's me, Bob,” said Mr. Simpson—“Bill.”
“Yes, I dare say,” said Mr. Cooper; “but if you're Bill, why haven't you
got Bill's voice?”
“Let me out and look at me,” said Mr. Simpson.
There was a faint scream from both ladies, followed by protests.
“Don't be alarmed,” said Mr. Cooper, reassuringly. “I wasn't born
yesterday. I don't want to get a crack over the head.”
“It's all a mistake, Bob,” said the prisoner, appealingly. “I just had a
shave and a haircut and—and a little hair-dye. If you open the door
you'll know me at once.”
“How would it be,” said Mr. Cooper, turning to his sister, and speaking
with unusual distinctness—“how would it be if you opened the door, and
just as he put his head out I hit it a crack with the poker?”
“You try it on,” said the voice behind the door, hotly. “You know who I
am well enough, Bob Cooper. I don't want any more of your nonsense.
Milly has put you up to this!”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account