"Soon Messrs Wright will ascend the Rainbow and sit astride on it. Even before that, Herr Zeppelin will land the first German street-band on Mars; and, probably, ere that is done, Madame Curie will by means of a rock of Radium as big as St Paul's illumine and read all the vast depths of the unexplored Heavens. "How, under these circumstances, can the clergy remain behind? It is unthinkable. Accordingly, it is understood that the _Daily Nail_ and the _Crony_ will have every day a column called _Elysiograms_. It will consist of single words, numbers, signs, exclamations, and pauses, _elysiogrammed_ from over there. Some paragraphs will consist of commas, colons, semi-colons, and dots only. They will be the most interesting. These messages will be carefully distinguished from massages. They will be quite different. They will give the most astounding news. My principal pupil, Professor Oliver Nodge, just marconied me the latest _Elysiogram_, which he was fortunate enough to receive to-day: "'Rather hot day to-night.--Feel depressed as if I had exchanged ideas with Mr H.C.--4, 0,--:!--Place here somewhat out of date.--Do send me _Times_ more regularly.--Can now see that flannels do not conduce to health.--Never forget to wind up your watch!--Death is a mere incident in Life.--If you can avoid it, don't die!--It is a failure.--34, 56, 78, 90, 12....'" When Diogenes had finished reading the _Elysiogram_ of his pupil, even Hephæstus (Vulcan), otherwise so grave, broke out in a tremendous laughter which made one of the tiers of the Coliseum shake like an elm-tree in a gale. "I am delighted to see," continued Diogenes, "that my pupils contribute to your amusement. It is indeed beyond a doubt that without them this world would be considerably staler and duller than it is. You may imagine that my pupils will not rest contented with a daily column in a newspaper. "They will found Elysiogram papers of their own; found Elysiogram Churches; build up Elysiogram congregations; deliver Elysiogram sermons; in short, they will establish _The New Religion_ of--_Elysionism_. "In this marvellous Religion the believer is given all the shivers, cardiac vibrations, nervous shocks and prostrate contritions, pleasantly alternated with ecstatic exuberance, that he may wish for. "In that respect it is far superior to any music hall. "These funny clergymen rage against the music halls. But why have they abolished all public, gay, and variegated Church festivals, such as the Middle Ages had introduced in plenty? The public do want to have their shocks and shivers. If the Church does not provide some of them, music halls will. "We Hellenes did everything to render Religion attractive and enjoyable. Our religious processions and public festivals were gorgeous with colours, fun, art, music, and touching piety.