"How could any Hellene have felt the need of a modern music hall, this the last degradation of the human intellect, worse than the Roman gladiatorial games, worse than the Spanish bull-fights, worse than the worst of French novels. "If, therefore, the clergy will take our New Religion into the least consideration, they will forthwith see the immense advantages thereof. In _Elysionism_ the most languorously delicate of the elegant ladies will at last find what she has all this time been hankering for. "In the morning when she gets up between twelve and two o'clock, she will with religious shivers reach after the Elysiogram press. With burning eye she will run over the columns in search of the latest _Elysiogram_. Just think of her excitement on finding, in one paragraph or another, some indiscretion of one of her departed friends, male or female, regarding her. Just imagine how she will devoutly run to the editor of the paper, or to the _Elysiop_, that is, the chief bishop of the New Religion, offering him £100, £200, nay £500 for the 'tranquillity' of the poor soul in Elysium from whom came that disquieting par. The _Elysiop_ will promise to do his best and will--enter the £500 _pour les frais de l'église_. What a delightfully exciting experience to have! "Later on in the day, the same lady will enjoy the anxiety of a lady friend of hers who is waiting for an _Elysiogram_ from her husband who disappeared a few months before without sending his faithful wife the correct official statement of his departure. What exquisite moments of nervous expectation to pass! "For a few further bank-notes _pour les frais de l'église_, the liberating _Elysiogram_ appears. "Imagine the interest with which sermons delivered by the Elysiop, Elysiarch, or the Elyseacon, will be attended by the _beau monde_. The preacher after the customary introduction will pull from his pocket the latest _Elysiograms_, which are notoriously frequent on Saturdays. Artistically pausing before he begins reading them out, he will fill all these vibrants with the most dainty nervous wrenchings and twistings. "Then slowly he will report to them the latest news from Elysium and Hades. With that justice so characteristic of the Powers of the Other World, the pleasant news, full of consolation and comfort, is addressed to such members as have proved zealous in deed and alms to the Church. On the other hand, members whose zeal left much to be desired, are treated to news that makes both kinds of their hair stand on end. "Where is the music hall or even the theatre that will be in a position to vie with such a Church in intense attractiveness? Once the classes as well as the masses are drawn to it, some Oxford or Liverpool professor will speedily come forward with the new dogmatics of _Elysionism_; and in less than three years Prof. Harnack of Berlin will write its history of dogmatics, and publish maps about its geographical distribution.