"Amongst the innumerable blessings of this Religion there is one the value of which cannot be exaggerated, let alone properly estimated. I mean, of course, its vast resources for healing all diseases. It is patent that once we stand in continuous and direct communication with Elysium, we can easily inquire from our departed ones what we ought to do in case of illness. Since a given individual in Elysium who died of, say, hay-fever has traversed all its stages, and is naturally more conversant with it than any terrestrial doctor can ever be, knowing thereof not only the stages passing on earth but also those going on beyond the Rainbow; he is in the best of positions to advise a patient what to do and what not to do. Especially, when one takes into consideration that according to the most authentic _Elysiograms_, written by Prof. Nodge's own Elysio-typer, all departed people agree that hay-fever, appendicitis, pneumonia, etc., are only the _noms de plume_ of Dr Smith, Dr Jones, Dr Jenkinson, and so on. "We shall, accordingly, in any case of illness, simply communicate the symptoms to Elysium and ask for detailed instructions from such of the Elysians as have died of that disease. In that way we are sure to heal all diseases much more rapidly than even Christian Science or Mahometan Chemistry could do. "We shall sell Elysio-pills, with which no Beecham's Pill will be able to compete; and using the indications we shall receive from over the Acheron, we shall have _dépôts_ of Elysian Waters triumphing over Hunyady János, Carlsbad Sprudel, Contrexéville, or Aix-les-Bains. "In fact, since the Kaiser is well known to be in close relations to the Upper World, and an intimate friend of Providence, we shall arrange through him an Elysian Bath, somewhere near Nauheim. "Then our Religion will be complete. "It will have its unique Press, its hierarchy, its liturgy, sermons, pills, waters, and watering-places, let alone its Pleasant Sunday Afternoons, moral gymnasiums, self-denial weeks, and special wireless costumes. "The extant religions will all disappear; religious unity will reign over the whole world, and if you, O Zeus, will consent to it, I shall personally preside at my headquarters in Westbourne Park Chapel." The speech of Diogenes was received with hearty applause, and even stern Demosthenes congratulated him on his idea of offering a really new shake-up to the tired nerves of the poor human tremolos of Mayfair and the East End. Several of the gods volunteered to send messages for the _Elysian Times_, and Cæsar proposed that he and Alexander the Great, Pericles, and other heroes send messages counterdicting the extant Greek and Roman histories of their exploits, in order to enjoy the huge fun arising from the confusion amongst scholars. * * * * * When the hilarity of the Assembly had reached its maximum, Zeus addressed them as follows: