Alix lay awake. Her forehead was hot and her feet were cold. She was
tense, and on the brink of shivering. Staring into the dark she saw
things happening across the seas: dreadful things, ugly, jarring,
horrifying things. War--war--war. It pressed round her; there was no
escape from it. Every one talked it, breathed it, lived in it. Aunt
Eleanor, with her committees, and her terrible refugees; Mademoiselle
Verstigel, with her round robin's eyes that had looked horror in the
face so near; Uncle Gerald, with his paper and his intelligent city
rumours; Dorothy and Margot with their soldiers, who kept coming to tea,
cheerful, charming, and maimed; John, damaged and stammering, with his
nervous eyes and his quiet, humorous trench talk; Basil, writing from
his dug-out of Boche and shells ... little Paul out there in the
dark ... they were all up against the monster, being strangled ... it
was like that beastly Laocoon....
There was a balcony running along outside the bedrooms at the front of
the house. The moonlight lay palely on it; Alix watched it through the
long open window. Through the window came a sound of quiet crying;
gasping, choked sobbing, as if a child were in despair. Alix sat up in
bed and listened. Margot and Dorothy breathed softly, each a
peace-drugged column of bedclothes.
Alix, pale and frowning, scrambled out of bed, shuddered, and pattered
on thin, naked feet to the window and out on to the moon-bathed stone
balcony floor.
Outside his own window, John, barefooted, in pink pyjamas, stood,
gripping with both hands on to the iron balustrade, his face turned up
to the moon, crying, sobbing, moaning, like a little child, like a man
on the rack. He was saying things from time to time ... muttering
them ... Alix heard. Things quite different from the things he had said
at dinner. Only his eyes, as Alix had met them between the daffodils,
had spoken at all like this; and even that had not been like this. His
eyes were now wide and wet, and full of a horror beyond speech. They
turned towards Alix and looked through her, beyond her, unseeing. John
was fast asleep.
Alix, to hear no more, put her hands over her ears and turned and ran
into the bedroom. She flung herself upon Dorothy and shook her by the
shoulders, shook her till she sat up startled and awake.
Alix stammered, 'John--John. He's walking in his sleep ... out there....
He's crying--he's talking ... go and stop him.'
Dorothy, efficient and professional in a moment, sprang out of bed into
her two waiting slippers, and ran into the balcony. Alix heard her,
gentle, quiet, firm, soothing John, leading him back to bed.
Alix was most suddenly and violently sick.
When Dorothy came back, twenty minutes later, she was huddled under the
bedclothes, exhausted, shuddering and cold.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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