Then procure some cream, some slices of Cheshire cheese, 4 quires of foolscap paper, and a packet of black pins. Work the whole into a paste, and spread it out to dry on a sheet of clean brown waterproof linen. When the paste is perfectly dry, but not before, proceed to beat the pig violently with the handle of a large broom. If he squeals, beat him again. Visit the paste and beat the pig alternately for some days, and ascertain if, at the end of that period, the whole is about to turn into Gosky Patties. If it does not then, it never will; and in that case the pig may be let loose, and the whole process may be considered as finished. * * * * * NONSENSE BOTANY. [Illustration: Baccopipia Gracilis.] [Illustration: Bottlephorkia Spoonifolia.] [Illustration: Cockatooca Superba.] [Illustration: Fishia Marina.] [Illustration: Guittara Pensilis.] [Illustration: Manypeeplia Upsidownia.] [Illustration: Phattfacia Stupenda.] [Illustration: Piggiwiggia Pyramidalis.] [Illustration: Plumbunnia Nutritiosa.] [Illustration: Pollybirdia Singularis.] * * * * * NONSENSE ALPHABETS. A [Illustration] A was an ant Who seldom stood still, And who made a nice house In the side of a hill. a! Nice little ant! B [Illustration] B was a book With a binding of blue, And pictures and stories For me and for you. b! Nice little book! C [Illustration] C was a cat Who ran after a rat; But his courage did fail When she seized on his tail. c! Crafty old cat! D [Illustration] D was a duck With spots on his back, Who lived in the water, And always said "Quack!" d! Dear little duck! E [Illustration] E was an elephant, Stately and wise: He had tusks and a trunk, And two queer little eyes. e! Oh, what funny small eyes! F [Illustration] F was a fish Who was caught in a net; But he got out again, And is quite alive yet. f! Lively young fish! G [Illustration] G was a goat Who was spotted with brown: When he did not lie still He walked up and down. g! Good little goat! H [Illustration] H was a hat Which was all on one side; Its crown was too high, And its brim was too wide. h! Oh, what a hat! I [Illustration] I was some ice So white and so nice, But which nobody tasted; And so it was wasted. i! All that good ice! J [Illustration] J was a jackdaw Who hopped up and down In the principal street Of a neighboring town. j! All through the town!