"Count it," I ordered out loud, "and if there's any missing, no one leaves this planet alive." I snarled ferociously. Everybody laughed. It was part of the act. "You will notice," Sam announced as we led the way down the street, "that the _Gchi_ are all about the same size. No young ones among them. We don't know whether this is because they reproduce differently from us, or because they have concealed their offspring." "The children must be dear little creatures," the toothy female gushed. "If even the adults are cute when they're seven or eight feet tall, the little ones must be simply precious.... Tell me, Chief, do you have any children?" "Don't understand," I grunted. "Concept unfamiliar. Not know what children is." "Funny," remarked the scientist, "he was speaking perfectly good English before." "Watch yourself, kid," Ppon ideated warningly to me. "Children are ..." she began and stopped. "They're--well, how do you reproduce?" * * * * * Ppon, the _oosh_-head, took it upon himself to answer. "If you'll just step into my hut, madam, I'll be delighted to show you." "If you ask me," the scientist stated, "these are frauds." "Whaddya mean frauds?" Sam demanded indignantly. "Human beings dressed up as extraterrestrials. They speak too good an English. Their concepts are too much like ours. Their sense of humor is equally vul--too similar." "You and your big mouth!" I projected to Ppon. "Look who's thinking!" he excogitated back. I could see I'd have to give him a mind-lashing later. It was up to me to save the situation. "If you would like to examine me more closely, sir," I addressed the scientist, "you will see that I am not a human being." He approached me dubiously. "Closer," I said, looking him in the eye, as I bared my teeth and growled. "I have five eyes, sir, and you will notice that I am looking at you with each one of them. I have seven arms, sir--" here I reached out to grab him "--and you will notice that they are all living tissue." "No, you couldn't be a human being," he agreed, backing away as soon as I released my grip, "but the whole thing is ... odd. Very odd." "If anthropologists on Earth can't explain all the customs of the primitives there," Sam tried to placate him, "how can we explain the behavior of extraterrestrials? Let's go into some of the houses. The chief has kindly given us his permission to look around." "Our houses are your houses," I stated, bowing graciously. As always, the tourists grew extremely enthusiastic about the furniture in our simple dwellings. "What lovely--er--things you have," squirrel-tooth commented. "What are they used for?" "Well, the _pryu_ is for the _mrach_, of course," I explained glibly, "and the _wrooov_ is much used for _cvrking_ the _budz_, although the _ywrl_ is preferred by the less discriminating. "Oh," she said. "How I should love to have one of the--'_wroov_' I think it was you said, for my very own. I wonder whether...."