Not George Washington — an Autobiographical NovelWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Not George Washington — an Autobiographical Novel
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories
The litterateur is warning the menials that their charge is sacred;
that the sheets he has produced are impossible to replace. High words.
Abrupt re-opening of the front door. Struggling humanity projected on
to the pavement. Three persons—my scribe in the middle, an emissary on
either side—stagger strangely past me. The scribe enters the purple
night only under the stony compulsion of the emissaries.
What does this mean?
I have it. The emissaries have become over-anxious. They dare not face
the responsibility of conveying the priceless copy to Fleet Street.
They have completely lost their nerve. They insist upon the author
accompanying them to see with his own eyes that all is well. They do
not wish Posterity to hand their names down to eternal infamy as “the
men who lost Blank’s manuscript.”
So, greatly against his will, he is dragged off.
My vigil is rewarded. No. 93A harbours a Bohemian. Let it be inhabited
also by me.
I stepped across, and rang the bell.
The answer was a piercing scream.
“Ah, ha!” I said to myself complacently, “there are more Bohemians than
one, then, in this house.”
The female head again appeared.
“Not another? Oh, sir, say there ain’t another wanted,” said the head
in a passionate Cockney accent.
“That is precisely what there is,” I replied. “I want——”
“What for?”
“For something moderate.”
“Well, that’s a comfort in a wiy. Which of ’em is it you want? The
first-floor back?”
“I have no doubt the first-floor back would do quite well.”
My words had a curious effect. She scrutinised me suspiciously.
“Ho!” she said, with a sniff; “you don’t seem to care much which it is
you get.”
“I don’t,” I said, “not particularly.”
“Look ’ere,” she exclaimed, “you jest ’op it. See? I don’t want none of
your ’arf-larks here, and, what’s more, I won’t ’ave ’em. I don’t
believe you’re a copper at all.”
“I’m not. Far from it.”
“Then what d’yer mean coming ’ere saying you want my first-floor back?”
“But I do. Or any other room, if that is occupied.”
“’Ow! _Room_? Why didn’t yer siy so? You’ll pawdon me, sir, if I’ve
said anything ’asty-like. I thought—but my mistake.”
“Not at all. Can you let me have a room? I notice that the gentleman
whom I have just seen——”
She cut me short. I was about to explain that I was a Bohemian, too.
“’E’s gorn for a stroll, sir. I expec’ him back every moment. ’E’s
forgot ’is latchkey. Thet’s why I’m sitting up for ’im. Mrs. Driver my
name is, sir. That’s my name, and well known in the neighbour’ood.”
Mrs. Driver spoke earnestly, but breathlessly.
“I do not contemplate asking you, Mrs. Driver, to give me the
apartments already engaged by the literary gentleman——”
“Yes, sir,” she interpolated, “that’s wot ’e wos, I mean is. A literary
gent.”
“But have you not another room vacant?”
“The second-floor back, sir. Very comfortable, nice room, sir. Shady in
the morning, and gets the setting sun.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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